Fourth and 21.3

New Blog, New Life

2009-02-25T07:16:00.000-05:00

This will be real quick, but I've started a new blog - invite only.

I'm back to do the weight loss thing finally- and I'm hoping that some of you have stuck with me.

Shoot me an email at robtucker430@yahoo.com with your email address and I'll invite you to the blog. Thanks!

Alive

2008-10-20T10:48:00.002-05:00

Ok, folks. Just wanted to post something so you know I'm alive. I know I haven't posted and there's a ton to talk about, but unfortunately none of it is in the weight loss arena. I'm in the 'just don't lose as much ground as possible' stage - straightening out a lot of issues of my life and the weight loss thing is on the back burner. I'm trying to not eat as bad as I have been lately, so I'm trying to lure that back in. I'm doing OK - I can do better but it's ok for now.

Also, work is absolutely killing me. So many long nights, weekends, you name it. But I'm surviving. I'm ok - I'm loving what I'm doing and in a crazy way, it's something I was meant to do. But it's absolutely crazy.

I'm living in a new place, I'm meeting new people, I'm learning new things through the school, and my daily schedule is completely opposite of what it used to be - it's so unorganized, and the next day is nothing like the day before it. I love it though, but as time goes on with all these changes I'm trying to create a routine - that's what saved me last time, knowing that I'm going to work at a certain time, school at a certain time, the gym at a certain time, eating at certain times - but now, it's a matter of getting through each day.

I did buy myself a lunch box and an icebox thing and am going to start making my lunches every day. It's so much cheaper, and so much better. Regulate the things you can, right?

Things are good - they're not IDEAL, but they're great for where I am in my life right now. We are going through the divorce process and Erin has been really good about it. We've done what we've had to do to make this as decent and as respectful as possible. We didn't work at a married couple, but I can tell you that through this process she's a great person and will make a great girlfriend/wife for someone else down the road.

Ok, no more time for now, gotta run. Just wanted to let you guys know I haven't fallen off the side of the earth. I used to spend 12-14 hours a day on a computer, and now if I see one every few days it's a gift. Catch you soon - leave me lots of comments so I know you haven't forgotten who I am ;)

Out there

2008-09-24T01:15:00.003-05:00

It's 2:15am and I can't sleep - I'm going to pay for this come 6am when the alarm goes off.

Not much has changed here - things are still crazy hectic and I've been feeling down lately. I mean, there's some great things going on in my life right now, but everything is different. My schedule, my planning, my meals, everything - I feel as if I'm living on a shoestring, just living day to day. It's hard to explain, but all structure has disappeared from my life. I used to have this whole routing - wake up, gym, work, school, home, take care of business, have dinner, hang out watching TV and go to bed. A pattern. A routine.

Nothing though, now. I'm TRYING to eat right, but it's not working. I've been as unmotivated as you can imagine, and nothing seems to make me want to be different. I mean - I KNOW what I'm doing to myself. I have a choice of rising about and achieving new things and falling into my own self pity, and yet I've chosen the second one.

I'll figure this out, but this one is going to need time. As I said, there's some great things going on in my life - mostly school related. In fact, you should all turn on the Today Show (you know, the national AM tv show) Thursday morning. I'm not sure what time during the program this will be, but we (my band) has been invited to perform on the Today Show at Campus Martius Park here in Detroit. I'm not sure how it's going to work but we're going to be downtown at 5:15am on Thursday and performing for the Today Show, so set those DVRs.

Anyway, the weight loss thing is in trouble. I'm not done, and I certainly haven't failed, but it's been tough. Going to cut this short - I've got to be up in 3 1/2 hours. I can't sleep at all, I've tried about 4 times tonight. Hang in there with me.

Lost

2008-09-20T00:26:00.003-05:00

I thought I should update you all on what's been going on in my life and why I've been missing from blogsville for the past few weeks.

I am getting a divorce from my wife.

It's hard to type, and even harder to realize. Erin and I had a great run - we met on new year's eve back in 2000-2001, dated for five years and were married for three. I don't want to get into the details - there's quite a bit that I'm not proud of - and I don't want to turn this into anything negative, as there's already so much of that. I refuse to say a bad thing about her and hope that it can be the same way. She's a great person, and we were great friends - but the marriage didn't work. I'll leave it at that and will delete all comments that slam her, me or the marriage.

That being said, I hope that helps to explain where I've been.

I feel lost. I don't have my goals straight or my life planned out anymore. I'm working at the high school full time - probably 12-14 hour days on the slow days, and some nights I don't get home until 11pm-12am because of a band event. That's good though, because it keeps me distracted. It keeps me focused on something so I don't have a lot of time to worry about things. And the best news to come out of it is, I'm a pretty damned good band director. I've found my passion and this is something that I truly know that I was put on this earth to do. I've found a drive to not only teach music - but to teach students to reach beyond what they thought was possible by setting challenges in front of them and just being amazed when they overachieve. Teaching is something that has always been in my blood - and being able to realize this dream is something that I have been needing to do for years.

So my life is the most extreme ups and downs that it could possibly be. I'm going through divorce - and have no job. I quit my $60k+/year job working 30 hours a week at the newspaper so I could student teach - for free, and in fact, I paid $2500 in tuition to do it. My stability is gone, my faith is weakened, and I'm holding onto everything that I can to keep my entire world as I know it together. I spent quite a bit of time with my in laws, my church, my friends - and essentially it all disappeared.

Weight loss has been a struggle lately, as you can imagine. It's in my mind - I *NEED* to start eating right. I'm living on my brother's couch, and just not in the right mind frame to eat healthy and work out. I haven't seen the gym in almost a month. I've been eating out most meals because I don't want to bother my brother by preparing food in his house - I know that sounds stupid and he'd kick me if I said that, but I don't want to impose on him.

I have no idea what my weight is - my brother doesn't have a scale and mine is still at my house. I know I'm losing control, and every day I wake up saying that today is going to be the day that I get my head back on and regain control of my life, yet I slip into shitty eating and not working out every single day. Now, I'm on my feet for at least 12-14 hours a day, so the gym isn't *AS* detrimental as the eating, but it's still a factor.

My motivation has been gone lately. I'm not looking for pity. I'm not expecting anyone to give me a free pass. The bottom line is, I'm in a major rut and just don't know how to get out of it. New opportunities in my life are popping up now, and I'm not strong enough to force myself to the gym and to eat right, right now. But I need to.

This is the time of my life where I need to stand up and make a decision - am I going to regain all of this weight because of the struggles in my life that I am facing, or do I pull myself up out of the quicksand and fight?

It's so much easier to say than do. Just hang in there with me - if I don't post, it's not because I don't care. It's because I don't see a computer for days sometimes. I'm around, but I'm fighting the battles right now.

I haven't failed. For whoever said I did, you're mistaken. Thanks anyway, though.

First Steps

2008-08-25T05:18:00.002-05:00

Weigh In: 291

Right back to where I started. Tom and I have this challenge going on to see who can lose the most weight in a month, and I'm currently at zero. More on that later, though. We've got until Labor Day.

Today is a major day for me. Last Friday I quit my job at the newspaper after 8 years, and today I start the first day of Marching Band Camp with Martin Luther King HS in Detroit. This is the band that went to China to perform at the Olympics. This is the band that is pretty much the face of the city of Detroit. This band is everything that is right with the city of Detroit. HUGE program.

Marching band camp is 8am-6pm Monday-Friday this week. I'll be there at 7:30. I'll be on the field marching and keeping up with these high schoolers all week. I've committed to 100% eating this week. I've been using this week as my reason (read: excuse) for eating poorly lately, that I'll just "start" when I'll be at camp. So here it is.

I'll be takling more about this band as I go - I'm considering creating an entire secondary blog about them. This is what I've been looking forward to doing since literally 1994 when I started my college career. I've taken quite a few steps - some in the right, some in the wrong direction, but I'm finally here.

More later - but I needed to put my numbers out there to keep myself accountable. I'm not proud of myself lately - in fact, I feel a lot today like I did the first time I wrote a blog here - unaccountable, embarrassed, feeling pretty down about myself and my lack of control.. but I know I've pulled myself from the ashes before, and it's time for me to do it again. I need to find pride in myself again, and I think that it starts with being a part of this marching band.

They are, after all, Crusaders. Wish me luck.

Update - I'm alive

2008-08-20T21:11:00.000-05:00

Quick update - I gained a pound since I talked last - I have 2 days left on a job I've held for 8 years, my eating has been so-so, not bad, not good, I haven't been to the gym more than twice in the past week, and I'm going to be running one of the largest marching bands in the state of Michigan (the only band in the United States that was invited to perform in China during the Olympics and they just returned yesterday).

Life is insane. I hate that I'm leaving you guys hanging, but it's been absolutely crazy lately. 287.8 was the weigh in.

Starting Monday it's going to be 10 hours of Marching Band camp for a full week and then school starts, where I am responsible for the entire marching band, jazz program and all classes. There will be no time for eating (especially the junk laying around my current work office), and I will be on my feet and marching and running around 10 hours a day.

The weight will get in the right direction.. sorry it's been so light on the blogs/weigh in's lately, but I hardly have time to do anything. I haven't given up, but I totally know it looks like it. Hang in there with me - my world flips on its head Monday morning.

Stagnant

2008-08-12T07:34:00.001-05:00

My schedule's been incredibly crazy lately, so it's been more of a "hold onto the ground you've gained" situation. I keep thinking in the back of my head that I leave the office job and will be running marching band camps and will be on my feet 16 hours a day starting after next week (the last day at the office is the 22nd), so that maybe the weight loss will kick back in.

I've been doing ok, but because my schedule (and honestly, I've been lazy when I actually DO get to rest) I haven't been in the gym much. Maybe 3 times a week? I guess that's good for some, but for me, that's like almost nothing. I'll get back into gear here.

Not much to say today except for that I'm doing "ok" - I could be driving hard, but I could be falling off the wagon, and neither is happening. I wish I didn't keep having an excuse each time for not pushing hard, but having the whole job turnover thing in a week, it's kind of been my focus while everything else has taken a back seat. Neutral isn't 5th gear, but it's not reverse either. I'm hanging in there.

Keeping On

2008-08-08T05:48:00.001-05:00

Another short one - I'm up too early for work today so I had a second.

My shoulder has been killing me all week and it's been keeping me out of the gym. That kind of sucks - as the weight is sneaking up again without it.

I'll be overdosing Aleve (or however you spell it) again today, and I'm hoping it gets better. I hate being out of sync.

Trying to hang on. Hoping to have some extra time on my hands in the next few days - we'll see how that goes. Sorry for being 4 days since my last post, I had no idea how quick that went by.

Totally uninspired today, the blog's boring. More tomorrow.

Short One II

2008-08-04T22:45:00.001-05:00

Weigh In: 277.0

Yeah, that sucked. Tom's catching up on the Labor Day weekend race. I had a bad, bad Saturday. Ate perfectly all day.. until the wedding. Then, I ate perfectly there - which mens I had a little bit of EVERYTHING and way too many beers. Not good - the weight soared. Kills me that you can eat perfectly for a week and be down 4 pounds and then watch it all go away with one bad night's decision.

Gonna make this short - I've been working like 8am-11pm about 4-5 nights a week, and totaling I think we said 70-some hours a week the past few weeks. That'll explain the lack of blogging. It's totally not because I'm slacking or not trying. It's getting the time in.

That being said, it's 11:47 and I'm working at 8 again.

Oh, side note - I hope this doesn't become an issue but as of now, my right shoulder is in BLINDING pain. I was yanking out a garbage bag tonight and literally heard the rotator cuff pop. Let's hope I just pulled a muscle and this ibuprofen will get me through the night. I don't have time for doctors and injuries. Knock on wood. More tomorrow.

Short one

2008-08-01T23:18:00.000-05:00

Sorry guys - been working long hours and doing way too much. Life has taken some turns lately that I never thought they would.

I'm still going strong - skipped today's workout because I worked from 8am-12am and wasn't going to get up at 5:30 to do so, but the weight is locked in at 286. Gotta get lower, but I'm doing good. Sorry for the slow response.

Whoops

2008-07-30T05:08:00.003-05:00

Weigh In: 286.6

Yikes, two days slipped by without posting. Things have been good - I just got home last night, laid down on the couch and went unconscious. Getting into bed from there was tough. I've been totally exhausted lately, but making the right decisions. We ended up at a BBQ right after work yesterday so I had to make sure I made good eating decisions there for dinner - could have done better, I did have a hamburger, but I just had carrots, broccoli with hummus as my side. And of course I slipped at the end and had two (although small, I had two. Stupid.) sections of this chocolate bundt cake (hell I dont know how to spell it but it was good) just because it was there. I caught the dirty look from Erin and I knew she was right.

It's 6:11 and I'm late for the gym (6am), so this is going to be short - I just needed to get SOMETHING in as part of my deal.

Weekend Done

2008-07-27T21:52:00.002-05:00

Weigh In: 286.0
Calories Counted: ? 2400 ish?

Quickie tonight - had a good weekend. Probably drank too many beers (only 3) on Saturday, avoided some temptations, hit the gym when I needed to but missed this morning, and had BBQ type food tonight - so not the best of all, but I saw the weight come down today.

I'll be hitting the gym in the morning and right back on my feet. I'd give myself a B- this weekend. Ate well 'most' of the time and missed a workout. But, I avoided a pizza temptation, hit the gym, and had a good handle on what I was doing. I can't complain.

My first weigh in against my father in law Tom is tomorrow - remember, whoever loses the challenge on Labor Day has to cook a healthy meal for the family. Either way, we both win. But Tom - you KNOW I'm gonna win ;)

The Weekend Warrior Returns

2008-07-25T10:28:00.002-05:00

Yesterday's Weigh In: 286.4
Yesterday's Calories: I haven't counted them yet but similar to past few days

Just a few quick notes, going to be out late tonight again so I wanted to get something in. My first week was pretty good - I was at 291 at the beginning of the week and now on Friday, I'm 286.4. That brings me to the weekend. We all know what happens, so I have to continue this momenteum into next week.

I was reading through the Men's Health website and came across this article. Not only is there good information, but for a few of us FAT Coalition folks, a few popular phrases rang out.

"Weekend Warriors"
"Just Do Something"

Here's a link to the article, but if you guys are as lazy about these things as I am, here's the text of the article as well. It's not ground breaking - in fact, it's oversimplified, but it gets the point across and addresses one of my biggest weaknesses - the weekend.

Be strong this weekend, folks.

----------

Abs Diet: Weekend Workout Program

Weekend Warrior Training Plan

How to get the most out of your weekend, workout-wise

The Friday Workout
The workday ends. The whistle blows, you slide down the dinosaur's tail and into your car, and the weekend has begun. Now squeeze in a workout before joining in the festivities.

Here's the plan:

6:00 p.m. Stretch.

6:05 Sweat. Do something aerobic for 20 minutes. Your options: Take a fast-paced walk; do some light jogging; go swimming; hop on a stationary bike, rower or stairclimber; jump rope. Or do any 20-minute combination of these. "It's not so much what you do," says Warren Anderson, M.S., C.S.C.S., owner of Rehab Plus in Phoenix, "it's that you do. Just do something."

6:25 Cool down. Walk around for a few minutes to bring down your heart rate.

6:30 Pump. It's time to move some iron. For your resistance workout, don't feel like you need a separate exercise for every tiny muscle in your body. By targeting the major muscle groups, the following program will hit almost every muscle to one degree or another. For each exercise, do two sets of 10 to 15 repetitions.

bench presses
leg presses or squats
lat pulldowns
dumbbell curls
back extensions or seated pulley rows
two sets of 15 crunches to work your abdominals

A word about weights: "If you haven't done any weight training during the week, you should stick to moderate weights on Friday and then go hard on Sunday," says Gary Hunter, Ph.D., director of the exercise physiology department at the University of Alabama, Birmingham. "On Friday, aim for about 80 percent of what you could lift if you went all out. In other words, if you know you can bench-press 100 pounds for two sets of 10, do both sets with 80 pounds on Friday and 100 pounds on Sunday." Why not go hard both days? "You don't want to stress totally unprepared muscles," says Wayne Campbell, Ph.D., exercise physiologist at the University of Arkansas for Medical Sciences. Which brings us to this public-service message:

6:55 Stretch.

7:00 You're off. If you're feeling social, shower first.

Saturday

If you want to do aerobics, rake some leaves, wash your car or wallpaper your wife. Lay off the weights.

Sunday

Similar to Friday's workout, with two exceptions: First, try to do a different activity for your 20-minute aerobic workout. "I recommend doing different stuff both days so you don't overstress any one muscle group," says Campbell. "Then, there's no problem at all doing aerobics multiple times in the same weekend. The idea is to get a good workout without crippling yourself for Monday." Second, do the same strength routine, but use a little extra weight. Campbell recommends lifting as much as you can handle for two sets of 10 to 15 repetitions.

Quickie

2008-07-24T15:47:00.000-05:00

In between 1st job and 2nd, have literally 1 minute.

Eating great today, worked out. Yesterday I couldn't get home to get the dinner that Erin made, so I ended up having ONE piece of pizza for dinner. Could have been much worse. I wish I wouldn't have had pizza, but one slice didn't kill me. In fact, the weight went down again.

286.4 today. Leaving for work now, back after 11:00pm after being in the gym around 6am and working first job all day. More later.

3's a streak

2008-07-22T21:20:00.003-05:00

Weigh In: 287.4
Calories Counted: 2407
Days Blogged in a row: 4

Another day of being physically exhausted, but productive. Played softball tonight, went 2 for 3 with a home run (which Erin missed cause she was talking to people instead of watching lol), and a triple.

Came home and had a great dinner. Kind of hard to really line it up in calorie counter, but had salmon-kabobs with salmon (duh) and veggies cooked with non-stick spray and BBQ'd with corn on the cob, salad and a small serving (about 5 bites) of noodles. For lunch I had the turkey chili, for breakfast the shredded wheat again, and bananas for a snack. Also had a package of those small peanut butter/cheese crackers which wasn't bright, but its' a 200 calorie(ish) snack and it was the only thing I had between 12pm and 9pm, so I'm not sweating it.

So I'm doing well. The pounds are coming off, but that's not a shock. I know all too well that the first few pounds after a HUGE weight gain are easy. Anyone can lose a bunch of water and salt by being good for a few days. Hard to get excited about 287 nowadays, but I have to get to 287 to get to 267, so I'm on my way.

LOOOONG day tomorrow. I'm going to try to blog, but I hit the gym at 6am, work the first job from 8-4:30pm, then head to the second job from 5:oo-11:00, which will turn into midnight. If I don't blog tomorrow night, you know why - but I'm hoping to. Catch you all then.

Graphic Graphs

2008-07-21T21:14:00.002-05:00

Calories Counted: 2192
Weigh In: 288.4
Consecutive Blog Days: 3

A few quick things - Tom (father in law) has challenged me to a 'most % of body weight lost by Labor Day' challenge - the loser has to cook a healthy dinner for the entire family. I like that challenge - and I kind of feel bad for him - he's got no chance to win ;)

Second off - I'm flat out exhausted after another good workout, 13 hours of work, and I'm ready to go to bed. If it wasn't for this blog I would have totally skipped the whole internet thing tonight, but I made the commitment, so here it is.

So, here's my food from today. Pretty damned identical, except we baked salmon tonight.

Mon, Jul 21 2008
	Breakfast
	`A-` KELLOGG'S STRAWBERRY MINI-WHEATS	107	358
	`A-` Milk, Lowfat, Fluid, 1% Milkfat - With Added Vitamin A	244	103
	Lunch
	`C-` LEAN POCKETS Brand Sausage & Pepperoni Pizza	504	560
	Dinner
	`A` Bread, Whole-wheat, Commercially Prepared	140	346
	`A-` Salmon, Atlantic, Wild - Cooked, Dry Heat	185	337
	Concord Grape Jelly - Smucker's	80	200
	Snacks
	`A` Bananas	324	288
	Total Calories Consumed		2,192

Here's something that really, really bummed me out - but put this whole thing into a perspective. First off, of COURSE Kevin and I are lock step in everything we do - including suffering right now. I just started plugging my weights back into Calorie-count.com again, and when I did my weight graph, this is what I saw:

If you click on it, you can see the entire thing with more detail. Basically, I lost over 14 months of hard work by being a complete loser the past 4 months. Take a look at that graph - the last time I was 291 pounds was May of 07. Honestly, that pisses me off. Why work at things? Why spend time sacrificing, if you're just going to be a complete dick and not finish what you started?

So yeah - I feel like a total failure right now in the weight loss department.

The good news is - I have to take the advice I've given others a hundred time - "the only loser is the one who quits".

I haven't quit. I'm back on my feet. I'll lose this weight, if it kills me.

Ok, so that's probably not the best analogy to use, but you know what I mean.

Off to bed - more tomorrow.

Deja Vu

2008-07-20T20:57:00.002-05:00

First Weigh In: 291.0
Calories Counted Today: 2216
Days In A Row Blogging: 1

I said yesterday that there were three things that I had to do to make sure I get my ass back in gear.

1: Go the gym on a consistent basis
2: Count and report calories
3: Daily blogging

This is what I have to do to get back on track. I've "said" I was going to get on track a few (ok, about 43 times) in the past, but I never followed up on this. It's the key ingredient to this whole process - accountability. So, here's the first step - my eating for today:

Sun, Jul 20 2008
	Breakfast
	`A-` KELLOGG'S FROSTED MINI-WHEATS, bite size	111	382
	`A-` Milk, Lowfat, Fluid, 1% Milkfat - With Added Vitamin A	366	154
	Lunch
	`C-` LEAN POCKETS Brand Sausage & Pepperoni Pizza	504	560
	Dinner
	Greek Dressing	112	400
	`A-` Salad, Vegetables Tossed - Without Dressing, With Turkey, Ham And Cheese	435	357
	Snacks
	`A` Bananas	303	270
	`B-` Peanut Butter, Chunk Style - With Salt	16	94
	Total Calories Consumed		2,216

Bugs me that the peanut butter isn't the right kind but I only had 1 tablespoon of the Kroger reduced fat and the program won't let me do 'half' a serving, since the serving size is 2 tablespoons. Other than that, it's pretty on. I think I did too much of the greek dressing too, but I'd rather be higher than lower.

Also, I hit the gym hard as hell today, used the Belly Off "Summer Special" - tons of squats and such, so my legs are totally destroyed. I actually went to do some time on the Eliptical today after my workout by my legs were shaking so hard I literally got like 90 seconds in and almost fell off. So, good workout.

I also avoided a temptation. We ended up going to dinner with the parents and grandparents tonight - I got the salad (actually split it with my wife, I had the smaller "half"), and as we were done, the waitress tells us that "with every dinner comes a complimentary dessert tonight". I had the choice between rice pudding, tapioca or wild cherry ice cream (which is one of my favorites of all time).

I chose nothing.

So, one day in the books. It means nothing if I screw up day two - stay tuned.

Reality Check

2008-07-20T00:02:00.002-05:00

Ok, so I've been talking about a 'break' for a while now, and how I had to get my head back into this game. I've given you a ton of excuses, given myself a ton of excuses, and basically pitied myself for not holding up to my end of the deal.

I've given a bunch of "comeback" speeches, but have never delivered at the end of the game.

My weight is up just.. bad. I mean, bad. I don't want to report until tomorrow morning, because I am going to rely on that weight as my 'starting weight' - the first weigh in of the morning. It's not pretty. In fact, it's just to the wrong side of ugly and 'holy shit'. I'll face that music tomorrow morning.

This is what HASN'T happened in a while:

A: A consistent gym workout plan - I will be downloading one of my old workouts from the Belly Off program tomorrow morning and will be begin to utilize it. It gives me a plan, a focus and a realistic goal once I'm in the gym instead of just letting myself half ass my way through a so-called 'workout'. I will finish it this time.

B: Counting calories and REPORTING them - I have done a flat out piss poor job with this. And, we all know why. It's because it's damned hard to lie to yourself about your caloric intake when you're blatantly cheating on a daily basis. It's pretty freaking pointless. I will be much better at this.

C: Blogging DAILY. None of this "I don't have time tonight so here are my numbers" shit. Straight up blogging. Talking about my goals, how I am going, what I plan to do next, how I'm feeling, etc. I've done over a year of blogging and one thing is clear - when I'm consistently doing all three of these, I'm losing weight. When I'm NOT, I don't.

It's that simple.

I was gone on vacation up north all last week (from Saturday until today), so I basically took the past few weeks off knowing that it was going to be a fat chance in hell that I would stick to a good eating plan up north - hell, I haven't been able to do it at HOME.

So, no 'comeback' speeches. No bullshit.

I have to complete each of those three things - blogging, counting calories and an organized workout plan - each and every single day.

Accountablity is how I was able to lose the weight I did. Losing that accountability has really, really hurt me.

So, if you're still reading this, stick with me. Business is picking up. More tomorrow morning when I get a workout plan printed and my official weigh in. It's going to be bad - but it's on me to change that.

Explanation

2008-06-29T17:47:00.002-05:00

Weigh In: 281.4

I figured I'd offer up an explanation for what I've been doing lately. It's hard to really go at something like weight loss for almost two years now and do it consistently and full speed ahead.

I started this in November of 2006. I weighed 379 pounds back then. I had lost control of my life, I felt like a shut-in who was unable to really do anything because I felt like a complete loser. I wasn't athletic, my eating was uncontrolable. For those of you who weren't around when I described my "typical eating day" back in 2006, it went something like this - with NO exaggeration.

Breakfast: 4 McGriddles, 3 hash brown and a large orange juice.
Lunch: 4 double cheeseburgers, large fry, a few pies and a large mountain dew.
Mid-day: Chocolate bars, ice cream - and on the way home, yes -2-3 double cheeseburgers.
Dinner: Healthy dinner that my wife made, because I was ashamed to talk about what I had done during the day.

I think we calculated something like 7000-8000 calories PER DAY.

Per *DAY*.

So when I look back at that, I know that I've come a long way. But the reality is, I've got a long way to go. I still have 50-60 pounds that I would like to lose. I know that when I'm doing this, I have to be at 100% concentration and 100% FULL DESIRE to get this done - a lot like how I was in the past, and a lot like a many of you are doing right now.

But I got tired of the grind. Doing this 7 days a week in the gym, eating perfect, recording calories, all the sacrifices that go along with it - it wears you out mentally. And when you add my schedule and other personal stresses that consume one's life in a way that takes your focus off of anything else you have on your plate .. weight loss becomes secondary.

For a while, I took that hard. I couldn't understand WHY I couldn't get geared up. I couldn't get why I would go one day balls out, and then just cave in and have crap for dinner.

It's because I needed a break.

So, I'm taking a break - but it's MUCH different than before. I'm not counting calories - and today was the first time I went to the gym in about 4-5 days - and that's saying something for me.

But unlike in the past, I'm not regaining all of my weight on my break. I'm slipping into neutral, trying to stay around the same weight as I can, not lose too much ground, and get my head into it. It's the only way that I can be truly honest with myself about where I am, what I need, and how I'm going to get there.

Soon, I'll be 100% again. Sooner than later, you'll see me talking about the runs, the gym workouts, the perfect eating streaks.. all of that. But right now, I'm recharging the batteries. Now, I'm not going crazy. I'm eating right. Perhaps not the ideal eating conditions for weight loss, but for maintaining, I'm doing ok. Workouts are a little more sporadic, but that comes with an everchanging schedule. That'll be resolved soon too.

This may sound like a big excuse to some of you, but this is how it is with me right now. It's the mindset I'm in. I'm not in fifth gear, but I'm not in reverse. Think of it was sitting in line waiting to fill the tank up at the gas station, except minus the $4+ gas prices.

I'm still here, and for what it's worth, I check the blog a few times daily to see if any comments have come in. I'm VERY ... let me repeat .. *VERY* honored and appreciative that you guys are on me, and not giving up on me. It's what I need, and I hope that my mentality right now doesn't get you down on me. I'm still going to blog, and yes - I do need to do that more often. It doesn't take but a few minutes to blog every day. I'll do better on this.

So, hope everyone is doing well. Forward and onward, right? I just wanted to let you know that I'm doing well, I haven't fallen off the bandwagon, and in fact, have lost 2 pounds since the last time I blogged. I'll get back sooner this time. Thanks!

Tuesday already

2008-06-17T07:29:00.001-05:00

June 12 Starting Weigh In: 283.6
Today's Weigh In: 282.0
Total Lost: 1.6 pounds, 9.4 to go

Just a quick shot - just got into work. Things have been going well. I just got out of the gym and here to work, and I've got a healthy lunch planned (thanks for packing the lunch dear). I'm in the 'trap' today - 10 hours sitting on my ass at the office with all the distractions around. I'm determined to not fall for them today.

Then, a softball doubleheader so that'll help on the fitness level as well.

Made grilled walleye last night, it was pretty good. Grilled with with lemon juice, a touch of butter (to keep it from sticking), and cajun spices and had corn on the cob and salad with it. Pretty healthy. I'm starting to get pretty good at the whole fish-on-the-barbie thing, so I think we're going to keep doing that. Great for you, and easy clean up ;)

So, still going strong.

Day 3

2008-06-14T13:47:00.003-05:00

June 12 Starting Weigh In: 283.6
Today's Weigh In: 282.0
Total Lost: 1.6 pounds, 9.4 to go

Yesterday was a pretty good day with a potential pothole right at the end. Ate pretty well all the way through the day, but then ended up going to dinner with the parents and wife. Ate Mexican, which isn't the best, but got the sauces on the side, made one of the healthier decisions (could have done better but could have done *MUCH* worse), and then I made sure to not finish the meal, only had one of my two enchiladas. Then, ended up at the bar last night and had two beers.

But, the weight went down a pound this morning, so you know I'm going to keep moving forward. Today so far, I've been to the gym and mowed the lawn and I'm sweating balls. I stepped on the scale a little while ago (with shorts/tshirt on), not quite sure why, and saw 281.4, which means I'm going in the right direction.

Have to be smart this weekend - Father's Day means 2 BBQs, tonight and tomorrow. I said in the past that "one good day" is just a day, "two good days" is a good start, and "three good days" is the beginning to a good streak.

Today's day 3.

Called Out

2008-06-13T07:19:00.002-05:00

Yesterday's Starting Weigh In: 283.6
Today's Weigh In: 283.0
Total Lost: 0.6 pounds, 10.4 to go

From Billy's blog:

Rob Tucker.
Weighing in somewhere around 281 lbs, this master of motivation has been spinning his wheels for months. Will he step up to face the "Ocean's 11" challenge? Or will he recede into the background, yet another weight-loss "could-have been"?

So, I get called out.

I've been looking for a reason to get my ass in gear for months now. For the past few months, I've been a shell of what I used to be, and a shadow of what my potential was. I'm not sure how that happened, but with some stressful events in my life and a incredibly crazy schedule, that was a perfect backdrop for a wall of excuses.

I stopped blogging because I was tired of writing about the same failures, and I knew that you guys were tired of hearing about me failing. But, instead of fixing the behavior, I pouted about it and just gave up. I think of all things - even more than the weight gain, that part bothers me the most - the fact that instead of fighting, I kind of gave up.

So, I get called out on it.

The challenge is on, my friends. I read about this yesterday and wanted to kick it into gear yesterday, so I ate right, worked out (even though it was a small workout), but then I spent a few hours coaching football/basketball at Erin's end-of-year picnic with all the 1st, 3rd and 4th graders. I then went to soccer and coached there as well, so I had a good cardio day.

Today, I hit the gym early, and got a good workout in for once. I'm at work all day on a Friday (the 13th by the way), and have 10 hours to find any excuse to eat the horrible food that lays around here. Instead, I had grapes for breakfast (it's incredibly how filling they can be), I brought a yogurt with me to eat around 10am, I have my chili read to rock around 1pm, and then a few smart snacks to get me through the day.

A race to 11 pounds? Ocean's 11? I haven't seen the movie, but I know the ending to this one. I've been to 272.6 a few times, I know that ground well. It's time to revisit.

Thanks to those of you who haven't given up on me - you may have just saved me from disaster.

Brainwashing

2008-06-09T14:14:00.002-05:00

I haven't posted for over a week, and it's not for lack of trying.

I've been trying to push myself to the limits, and it's funny the games that your mind and body will play with you. For example.. on Saturday I went to the gym in the morning, mowed the lawn (it was 95 degrees with 95% humidity - I POURED sweat), and then I went on a 17-18 mile bike ride. I ate flawlessly.

My weight went up 2 pounds.

That's not the type of thing the struggling dieter needs to see.

I've been really focusing on getting the eating in check and getting my mental state better. It's been a rough road lately, and my moods in regards to weight loss have been all over the map. I've gone from being SUPER dedication and feeling good about it - that 'challenging' myself mode, to the 'barely hanging on' mode, to the 'who cares, I'll eat it tomorrow' mode.

I've been staying away from the blogs lately because I know this mental struggle is boring to read about. You can only say "I'm gonna.." a hundred times and get the same response from you guys. You already know what I'm going to write, and I already know what your comments are going to say.

And you're right - and I'm struggling, but I haven't given up. It's still going strong, no matter what the scale says.

Running, Eating

2008-06-01T17:25:00.002-05:00

Weigh In: 281.4

Time: 33.11

Jim and I ran the 5k Race for the Cure this year and we decided to run it together instead of 'racing' each other. Pretty damn proud of him. I waited a day in case he wanted to brag about it but I'll brag about it FOR him. He shaved like 10 minutes off of his race time since last year, and it was the first time he's done a non-treadmill 5k non-stop. That's incredible, so I'm big time proud of him. I'm proud of myself too - I haven't really ran that much lately and my weight has been going the wrong way, so for me to be able to even finish this race (especially with my bum hip), I'm patting myself on the back.

But exercise isn't my vice - it's my eating.

So, I get to brag about something else.

Had a graduation party today, and you know how they do food at those things. For lunch, I totally skipped the dogs and burgers and worked on sides. So, for my meal I had carrots, broccoli, 2 dill pickle slices, some cut up fruit and homemade coleslaw.

Winner.

Night's not over but we're home from the party and I'll be able to eat a dinner that makes sense. I have to keep this mentality going - everything else is a waste of my time.

Elimination Game

2008-05-30T23:27:00.003-05:00

Weigh In: 281.4

I went to the Pistons/Celtics Game 6 tonight and sat about 15 rows from the court, dead center half court. Great seats, great venue, and most of the night was a great game.

The Pistons started slow but started to figure it out. They struggled but kept it close going into halftime. The third quarter came, they found their 5th gear and ROARED to a 10 point lead going into the 4th. In the fourth, it seemed like they let the foot off the gas, Boston caught up and ended up winning the game - eliminating the Pistons from the playoffs.

With 1:35 left in the game, the Pistons were down 6. It was a time-out, and about a one minute break in the action. I'm standing up looking at the scoreboard and I'm getting pissed. I think to myself, "we had this - we were rolling. We let our foot off the gas and the lead we had was pissed away. We were so close to winning but complacent and let the Celtics back into this game".

And then it clicks.

I'm the Detroit Pistons of weight loss.

I did great during the regular season. The last 6 years the Pistons have made the Eastern Conference. I've made it to 269 pounds like 6 times. Each time the Pistons got there, they let their foot off the gas, lost the ground, and struggled to regain that ground. I've let my foot off the gas, lost the ground, and struggled to regain those lost pounds.

The Pistons' season is over because of their complacency. I've been half assing it for months.

I know I've said this, but hopefully I mean it.

I'm running the 5k Race for the Cure tomorrow. I've got my pills, I've been doing a bit of running lately and I've been feeling OK, so I'm going to go for it. And when I get home, I'm going to carry that momenteum in the third quarter. I'm going to a graduation party this Sunday and I AM GOING TO EAT PERFECT. None of this "just a little bit" shit.

I hit 286 pounds this week. Let me spell that out. Two hunderd and EIGHTY SIX pounds.

There's no excuse for that. I'm not lazy in ANY other aspect of my life, but I'm being lazy with this.

Stops now. I'm not getting eliminated this post season.

Posting for Rip

2008-05-29T14:45:00.002-05:00

Because Rip chewed my ass, I know I have to post soon or he's coming over to the house and kicking the door down :)

I went to the doc two days ago and long story made short, the hip problem that I've had was a pinched nerve between the F4 and F5 vertebrae (am I saying that right, I don't remember if that's right or not), and then there's 'severe inflammation' around the nerve. So, he gave me some anti-inflammatory drugs and set me up for 2 weeks of Physical Therapy. I've never done PT before, so I'm a bit interested in seeing what that's all about.

Since I've been taking the drugs, it seems to be helping. I went for a 2 mile run yesterday, hit the gym today, did my soccer coaching thing and running around, and then have a softball doubleheader tonight, so I'll keep busy. Eating has been "OK' - not stellar, but not bad - but I really need to get it locked in. My brain keeps telling me that I'm in maintenance mode, that's how I'm acting, and it's really, REALLY hard to get out of that mode once I've slipped in.

I need to start doing MORE. Feel more 'athletic'. I've got my bike in the back seat of my SUV (if you can call a Saturn VUE an SUV) just trying to get the seat fixed so I can start biking to work (about 8 miles). I need to do more runs. I need to get back in the gym MORE. I'm doing "OK", and it's clear that OK isn't enough.

Another day goes by, and it's another day that I'm stagnant. That bothers me, but it's easier to blog about than it is to do something about it.

At least I blogged today so Rip has to wait until tomorrow to beat me down again ;)

(In all seriousness, I really, really appreciate you guys getting on my ass. It's what I need right now).

Quick Holiday Blog

2008-05-24T20:41:00.002-05:00

Weigh In: 279.8

Quick one, I just have to get SOMETHING in. Had a good workout this morning with Erin, went to breakfast (ended up with a mushroom/cheese omelet and 1 pancake) - and then off to the grocery store. From there, I worked outside ALL DAY. Just walked in the door about 15 minutes ago (it's now 9:45pm) - would have been working more if I didn't run out of sunlight.

Planted flowers, hauled dirt and mulch, raked/mowed the lawn, you name it. I'm flipping exhausted right now. Frankly, I can't see how I CAN'T lose weight tonight.

My body's beat up big time - just drained, but I got a ton accomplished today. Tomorrow - at the church at 7:45am for a performance at 8:30, another one at 11, and then back to the yard to finishing the trimming, fix the deck (a plank coming up) and a few more lawn related deals. Then, HUGE BBQ family bash on Memorial Day.

Happy Memorial Day weekend, folks.

Keeping Accountable

2008-05-21T11:21:00.002-05:00

Hey guys - honestly, it's just been a 'getting to a computer' thing - I've actually been doing well. Thanks for the comments in the blog pushing me to post - that means a lot.

Last two weigh ins: 279.8 and 279.4 today.

Food's on target, have had turkey burgers and salmon grilled the last two nights, been having turkey chili for lunch (smart one's lunch today, didn't have time to make chili) with cereal for breakfast.

Had a concert last night that lasted until 9:30, came home and watched a quarter of the Pistons before falling asleep on the couch. The next few nights are going to be the same way - Tigers game (we're going) tonight, won't see the house before 10pm, then teaching lessons on Thursday night, then Friday we're going to another Tiger's game, and then Memorial Day weekend - one of my favorite weekends of the entire year.

Doing well - just haven't blogged. THANK YOU for keeping me accountable!

Turning Point?

2008-05-18T13:02:00.003-05:00

8:00am weigh in: 281.2

Beers at night, playing games with friends until 12:30am, and then the Taco Bell run - where you order food just because you want it - knowing DAMN WELL what's going to happen in the morning.

Been there?

I'm tired of being there. Went there again last night night - so the weight SOARED. No surprise, and it's pretty much what I deserve.

I don't know what's going on - but this morning I feel different. I read a few articles in Men's Health this morning that inspired me a little bit, and went to the gym today and completely kicked my own ass - had a bit of the anger come back that pushed me to the point where my arms are so sore that if we were doing the YMCA dance, I could only do the M and the C.

I had 2 scrambled eggs and 2 pieces of toast for breakfast. I didn't even feel like eating that as I was so disgusted with my Taco Bell binge just 7 hours earlier. We went running errands, then to the gym, and I just wrapped up mowing the lawn, and Erin brought me out a PB&J on wheat while I was mowing. Had a bottled water with it.

I'm hungry right now, but I don't want to eat. I don't know if it's a 'punishment' or my body still cringing the Chalupas, Tacos and "Cheese Roll". It's called a freaking CHEESE ROLL, and I had one at 1am? Stupid.

So I feel like I'm at a breaking point. I've said this so many times where I don't know if I believe it or not, but maybe something clicked. I've been going through some stuff online, thinking about joining a health class at the gym, getting more into that mindset. I miss it. I can't just go to the gym with no purpose, work out hard and then eat like shit. It makes no freaking sense.

So, turning point, or all talk? We'll see where the rest of the week takes me.

Morning vs. Night

2008-05-16T07:39:00.002-05:00

Weigh In: 277.4

So far, so good - came down a bit this morning. Was happy with that.

I'm discovering something about how my body works lately - I think that I need to start doing more activity at night. My body seems to react well to afternoon/night exercise. I get my morning work in, but for example - yesterday I didn't work out in the morning. Gave myself a breather because I knew I'd have time to exercise later. Risky, because there was a chance I'd just skip it since it wasn't 'habit' for me to work out during the day, but it worked. Played soccer with the 3-4 year olds, played softball and hit the gym for some cardio, all after 2pm. It's an entirely different world exercising when the sun is up.

The hip's still acting up - I'm starting to accept the fact that I should probably have it checked out. I don't have the time or desire to go see a doctor, but I may have to end up sucking it up. Joy.

Anyway, wanted to blog during the day while I had a few minutes.

Neutral

2008-05-15T21:10:00.002-05:00

Weigh In: 279.8

Another quick one tonight - completely exhausted.

I'm still fighting this urge to eat everything in the cupboards. I don't know what it is - but it's a battle I'm milimeters from failing at. I don't know why I constantly am thinking about the next meal - the next anything- that I can stuff down my piehole, but it's all I've been thinking.

I'm doing well - in the gym, played softball tonight (triple, sweet), and did my youth soccer thing which meant I was running around chasing 3 and 4 year olds down for 45 minutes. It's a workout.

But I'm stalemated. It's like I'm winning half of the tug of war, and I'm losing miserably at the other side. I'm locked in at 279 and that's just rediculous.

Add to this that the hip's been giving me some grief lately (I don't even want to think about how it's going to feel when I wake up in the AM), and it makes for high levels of frustration. But, I have to keep going - keep focused, and get the eating on track. I just can't quit.

Gotta Keep Posting

2008-05-14T12:18:00.001-05:00

Yesterday's Weigh In: 279.4
Today's Weigh In: 279.8

Sorry I didn't post yesterday, my intentions are to get back to posting every day. Got busy, ended up working on business until 10:30pm last night, and then straight to bed. Had the Pistons game going on in the background so it slowed progress a little bit ;)

I'm "back" under 280 but I don't think that's something to celebrate. I don't even want to think of it, actually.

I went out for a run this morning - I get a lot more out of it than I do hitting the treadmill or eliptical, but I've been having issues with my right hip for the past 5-6 months, I get really stiff when I run. I've been kind of hobbling around today as it's super stiff. One of these days I'm going to have to get it checked out - I'm not sure what the story is. Picture running (and yes, stretching it out and cooling it down) but the front-right part of the hip tightens up like a rubber band in a freezer. Pain in the butt - won't keep me from running though.

Not much else to report, just got into the office but wanted to post SOMETHING.

Truth In Advertising

2008-05-12T21:28:00.002-05:00

I wanted to start keeping myself accountable to you folks again - this means reporting my weigh ins. The sharp ones have noticed I've intentionally kept it off of the board. Frankly, I'm pretty ashamed of myself for it. But if I'm going to get back on the road, I have to have a map. So, here goes nothing.

Today's Weigh In: 282.4

That's just rediculous to me. I was so frustrated with myself over the past few weeks that I felt it completely steamroll me. One bad meal in an otherwise good day turned into a bad night. That bad night turned into me remembering how good it is to eat fried food. Next thing you know, I'm justifying popcorn shrimp and boneless barbequed buffalo wings because the chicken tenders I got with it (oh, and 44 ounces of Samuel Adams) were grilled.

And it wasn't just one meal - I've felt it spiral out of control. I've felt that helpless feeling of "well, I've already f'ed the goat today, I might as well have (fill in the blank). I felt each day that I slipped farther and farther away from 270 added to the hopelessness. Then I saw 279 and thought that I'd line it up. And then I had a shitty weekend. So I'm rewarded with the 280's again.

That's how I yo-yo dieted for years. I can't allow myself to fall into that trap again.

So today I decided to get back into gear - I know I've heard myself say that a hundred times. I've been ashamed of myself lately - I didn't want to say "I'm going to do this again!" because I know what you all are thinking. I'm thinking it too - HOW MANY TIMES IS HE GOING TO SAY THIS INSTEAD OF DO THIS?

I know. And I don't know the answer. I don't know the "why" that is associated with this entire thing. I only know that I have to link a few good days together before I can even talk about being "back".

Today, I had a small bowl of Raisin Bran Crunch for breakfast, 2 bananas and turkey chili for lunch, oatmeal as a snack at work, some almonds before dinner, and baked salmon with salad and corn on the cob for dinner.

One day at a time. I promise that I'll try and catch up on everyone's blogs ASAP as well - been a horrible blog buddy this month. Currently, I am 97 blogs back. Daunting - but you guys have earned the right to be read. I'll get to you, sooner than later.

A week already?

2008-05-11T20:10:00.002-05:00

It's hard to believe it's been a week since I've posted. I've wanted to, I've actually sat down and hit the "compose" button a few times - but I've had nothing to say.

Tell me if you've heard this one before:

"I'm busy, hardly have time for anything - been working out a lot, hardly missing a day in the gym. The problem is that my eating has been bad - I eat well most of the day, and then there's always one point where I screw it up. I'm not feeling motivated right now, but I'm going to start RIGHT NOW, and everything is going to be great! Back at it starting NOW!"

Heard that one from me before?

I need to get it to stick. I'm not sure why, but I'm fighting the stagnant lifestyle again. Went to two mother's day parties today and just ate bad. Side dishes, cheeseburgers (yes, plural - one at each), cheese and crackers, cupcakes... just out of control. And I have this thing in my head where there's a mental battle.. the "you're doing so bad you might as well keep eating" - and the "what the HELL are you doing to yourself?!?"

The war isn't over, and I've won a bunch of battles in the past. The past few months - this army is on its heels, backed into a corner.

This week will be a test for me. Do I want it - or am I weak enough to 'settle' for where I am?

Get on me folks - I really need you guys.

In Like a Lion, Out Like a Lamb

2008-05-04T21:30:00.002-05:00

After last night's poor decisions, I made up with some great ones today.

Gary and his new son Brennan got baptized today, and afterwards they had a party at their house. Fried foods all over the place: fried chicken, fried potatoes, french fries, cakes.. you name it, not a healthy choice in the house.

So, I didn't eat. I had a peanut butter/jelly rollup when I got home.

Went to dinner tonight.

Had broiled cod and green beans w/ diet Coke.

I have to get back into this mentality that I HAVE to sacrifice - and that it's the only way things are going to get done.

So I did well today.

Slap Me

2008-05-03T21:55:00.003-05:00

Weigh In: 275.6

Believe it or not, that above weigh in is the best I've seen since I last reported a weight about 2 weeks ago.

Not much to say again today - I probably should be more down on myself than I am. I had a great start to my day - a GREAT workout, healthy breakfast, healthy lunch, healthy snacks, and then we went to dinner - healthy salad.

Then, went to the bar and had nachos. Not a ton of them, but enough that I should be pissed at myself. Erin and I split one - and she gave me the glare when I ordered them, but as we were working them down, about 2/3 of the way, she put the napkin on the plate and had the waiter take them away. I also had a tall Sam Adams Summer Ale - not the greatest one Adams has ever made, but definitely a pretty good beer.

The problem isn't as much the nachos - it's the lackadaisical attitude I have about it. I feel no 'remorse' at all. THAT is where the problem is, and I know it. It's a mental game, and I can't say I'm LOSING it - it's that I'm not even showing up the field.

Short but required

2008-05-01T23:21:00.001-05:00

Calories Counted: 2,397

I'm going to make this short and sweet, it's 12:30am and I'm back up and in the gym in a few hours, but I HAD to report my calories - it's after all, Day 1 of restart #42525.

A good day - I ate kind of late, but that's because I've been working my tail off. I got a lot done today, and headed into the weekend it's packed full as usual. But it's fun stuff - softball, the gym, teaching a lesson, church stuff - active lifestyle, right?

So - hopefully I can get into a flow here. Let's see what happens.

Old Habits

2008-05-01T11:46:00.002-05:00

I started counting calories again today. When I went back into my calorie-count.com profile, I realized it's been since December since I've done this. Back to business.

I don't have much to say - I don't really want to get into this big motivational thing about "I've done it before, I'll do it again.. this is what I'm going to do.. blah blah blah", because I know you all are as tired of hearing it as I am of saying it. Hell, I've even said *THAT* thirty times before.

It's hard to stay diligent over a long period of time like this. When I look back, I've been doing this weight loss and blog thing for a YEAR AND A HALF. This will be my 460th blog entry. Part of me wants to be impressed by that - the fact that over the long haul, I've stuck to this. Another part of me is just frustrated that in all this time and blogs I've still not figured out how to be consistent with this whole thing.

I make the same mistakes, over and over again. I go strong for a few weeks, hit a milestone that I'm proud of, and then lay off and lose the milestone, just to go back and have to chase it again. I don't know why, and I can't explain it.

So.. here we go again? I'm going back to counting my calories - ALL my calories. I've already established that I'm strong in the gym (cranked it out again today), so it's all on my ability to eat smart.

Now, if I could only get to the 45 unread blogs in my Google Reader.. I'm trying folks, I've been a piss poor blog buddy lately. Hang in there with me.

Rut-Ro

2008-04-29T20:32:00.002-05:00

I talked to Kevin tonight, Erin's been on me, a few of you have asked, and I've been wondering myself.

Why haven't I blogged?

I don't know. I just have been dragging ass and feeling completely motivated. This is the tough, yet confusing, part for me.

I work out SEVEN days a week. I play basketball on Tuesdays, softball the past few Saturdays, go for runs, bike rides with my wife - I'm active. I'm REALLY active, and I feel great about it.

But my eating is piss poor. And I don't mean 'cheat' meals. I eat the right stuff. I'm just eating a LOT of it. My serving sizes are WAY too big - I go back for seconds when I don't want them, I pick all day, I grab all the snacky shit at work and at school. Kid at school offers me a brownie? Sure, pass it along. Work has cake for someone's birthday? Pass it to me.

I *NEVER* fell into that. My problem was always the fast food and the bad stuff in large quantities. Now, it seems like I'm always hungry, and I've fallen back into the thing where I start thinking about the next meal the MOMENT this one's done. I'm falling back into these old feelings of weakness and self doubt, and I really don't like myself right now.

I've seen everything form 268 to 282 these past two weeks. It's infuriating. Right now, I'm somewhere in the middle. Hell, I've even been avoiding my SCALE. And for those of you who have read my blog more than once, you know how much I'm obsessed by that damn thing.

Either way, maybe it's turning around. I got two hours of GOOD basketball in tonight, and I came home wanting to eat (of course). Instead, it's gatorade and that's it. Softball is starting up, and I got my "Race for the Cure" packet in the mail. 5k race at the end of the month - I should start preparing and getting in the mood for it.

So - hang in there with me. I know, this is the same old story. It's just a matter of picking myself up - slapping myself in the face to get rid of the pity party, and moving forward. At least the active lifestyle is winning. Now, I need the healthy eating lifestyle part to be figured out. Keep pushing me.

Same Old Song?

2008-04-23T14:43:00.002-05:00

Weigh In: 273.4

You could already predict that the weight went up due to me not blogging since Friday.

This isn't going to be the 'poor me' blog, we've all seen this too many times to count. I was talking to Kevin last night playing hoops and he said that he had a feeling that I wasn't doing so well since he hadn't seen a blog from me in a while. That's partially true (ok, about 99% of it), but I've been pretty busy lately too - many nights not seeing the house until after 8 or 9pm, after leaving to start my day at or before 6am. It drains you.

It's a combination of things sometimes that we really have to pay attention to. I wouldn't say that I 'fell off the wagon' and started eating the 'bad food'. I didn't stop working out - in fact, I don't think I've missed a day in the gym in a few weeks, and I've probably been either in the gym or on a long 2-4 mile run 28 out of the past 30 days. I've been pretty good.

Portion sizes and eating later at night is such a trap for me. I do really well all day long - in fact, I probably eat not enough during the day - and perhaps that's the problem. I get home, and I've always had dinner be the full, satisfying meal of the day. My meals have been bigger, I've been having seconds - I even had ice cream a few nights ago at 9:30 at night.

See, the ice cream I don't really have an issue with - I've been able to be faithful to eating it out of the 1/2 cup measuring cup. 140 calories, 2-3 grams of fat. I honestly have no issue with that. But the unscheduled eating of said ice cream at 9:30 at night after having 2 helping of dinner? That's what is not acceptable.

It's easy to keep the eye on the prize when the schedule fits and everything else is working how it's supposed to. The minute you take your eye off the road though - that's when you crash the car.

I'm not being myself up over 273 - but it's kind of disheartening.

Here's some good news - after MONTHS, I finally got Gary back on the program. He signed up at my community center this morning and we're back on track. He went from 280 or so and got down to 236 or something like that while working out with me in the past. He fell off the wagon and ended up gaining the weight back. It sucks, but it's something we've ALL done before.

No shame in that - but you use that as fuel to learn from your mistakes. As I see it - the only person that fails is the one that gives up. He's back with me, and that'll help both of us. For him to even come to me and want to get back into it - I respect the hell out of that. Also, one thing that he mentioned that I will be blatantly stealing is a trick that worked for him. At dinner, instead of using a full sized plate, he uses a small saucer. Whatever he can fit on that saucer, he eats. Total mind trick, and I don't doubt for a second that it works. I'll be stealing that one.

Hope everyone is doing well - keep strong.

Weekend

2008-04-18T22:09:00.002-05:00

Weigh In: 270.2

That kind of sucked. Snuck up again - but I didn't want to feel TOO bad about it. I had a LOOONG night last night where I had two bottled waters after 11pm. Didn't want to eat anything or add calories, but I'm assuming that played a role in seeing the weight go up in the AM.

Lame, but what can you do?

Tomorrow's just as busy - the weekend, the time for "rest", right?

Cutting this short - hoping tomorrow's a little more 'scale' friendly. I've got some weight to drop still.

Ideas?

2008-04-17T15:18:00.002-05:00

In my most recent post I talked about a program that I'm going to start running around town. I'm brainstorming ideas on things that would be most helpful.

Basically, we're looking to work with kids and possibly the parents when it comes to almost a "FIT camp" - a combination of exercises, fun activities, nutritional guidance and possible motivational speakers and tips to help these families eat and live healthier lives.

I'm thinking of what we've done in the past - and things that may have worked for you, that you think would benefit a program like this. We're talking about working with the families from within - both with the kids to show them that sports can be fun (some of these kids would feel uncomfortable playing with their 'healthy' peers), and we also want to approach the parents with educational materials - for example, showing visuals with measuring out HOW MUCH SUGAR is in a can of pop (measure out the sugar and physically show them) - as well as giving them healthy alternatives.

I want this to be the best possible program to reach out to the people who need it most.

So - what do you think would work in a program like this? If you were a parent with a child in this scenario, what would YOU want to see?

Thanks!

An Honor and Privilege

2008-04-16T22:32:00.003-05:00

I already talked about my weigh in today, but I want to tell you guys a story that I think each and every single one of you will appreciate.

I'm looking for a second job to help supplement my income when I'm doing my student teaching, and through craigslist.com I found a woman is is pretty deeply involved in youth sports programs. We had this meeting tonight - her, I and about 5 other folks, about different programs to run in the area. Soccer camps, football leagues - those types of things. Things that you would find in a Parks & Recs program book.

We partnered up, and I ended up talking to a guy named Kenny. He's doing his student teaching like I am, and he's a basketball coach at one of the local high schools. Long story made short, we had to come up with a program to run - something that will benefit kids.

He mentioned doing a "fit camp".

He had no idea on my background, or my weight history. This, I believe, is a calling that was given to me - an opportunity that I was blessed with. We discussed this for 3 hours - from 8:30 tonight until about 11:30 - it's 11:45pm as I write this.

The two of us are going to run a fit camp - a "Biggest Loser" meets "Shaq's Big Challenge" type of camp. It's going to be classes of approximately 20 people - geared towards families - to help them get fit, lose weight, and live a healthy lifestyle. The details aren't worked out yet - we're meeting again tomorrow night, but the goal is there. Motivational speakers (Michigan FAT members, are you listening?) - working with nutritional lessons, showing them how to eat right, make better decisions when it comes to preparing food and eating out - promoting exercise - you name it - that's the process we're going through to work out the details.

There's so much more to figure out - but we're going to have this up and running in the next few weeks. My head is spnning right now with the endless possibilities - I want this to be about helping people discover a healthy life - and this is the opportunity to pay it forward that I was given.

I'm blessed for even having this opportunity, and I'm going to make the best of it. I'm not sure the details yet - but I know this - we're GOING to be doing this. We're going to be able to show these families - these adults, kids, brothers and sisters, best friends - whoever want to do this - how to do what all FAT members know works: how to be accountable for your decisions, what those right decisions consist of - and how it will affect them in the long run. Everything from these nutritional plans to helping them with exercise to giving them the support system that they need to make a difference.

You can tell by this blog that my mind is ALL over the place.

I'm going to be able to make a difference where it counts - in my own community. We're talking tentatively classes of about 20, and probably 4-6 classes.

I can't tell you how happy I am to be given this chance. I am going to bring EVERYTHING I'VE GOT to the table. This is what it's all about.

Chase It

2008-04-16T06:40:00.003-05:00

Goal: Lose 10 Pounds in April
April 1 - 272.0
Today's Weigh In: 267.6
4.4 down, 5.6 to go!

Basketball went great last night - I'm COMPLETELY wiped out. When the alarm went off this morning my body did NOT want to get up. Totally sore from the pores of my feet to the bald spot on the top of my head.

So I went downstairs and weighed in. I got a 268.6.

As is my routine every day, I go to the gym in the morning and then come home and weigh in again. My post-workout weigh-in is the one I count for my official daily weigh in. Some would say that's cheating, but the way I see it - the pre-workout weigh in motivates the hell out of me. I know that whatever I see before my workout is going to be almost a full pound LESS when I get home and weigh in again.

Honestly, that fact in itself is what motivates me to go to the gym 7 days a week.

When I woke up this morning, I just knew I wasn't going to hit the gym. I was sore, tired, I had a HUGE headache.. I just wasn't going to do it. But when I saw that 268.8.. I knew the potential for seeing the 268 was real. My body immediately changed its mind, and WANTED to go to the gym so I could see it on the scale.

That's what motivates me.

267.6

My old "new low" from months ago was 266.6. I haven't seen that number in months - and I haven't seen anything LOWER than that in the past 10 years.

Find what motivates you. Chase it.

Earn it.

Hoop Dreams

2008-04-15T12:11:00.002-05:00

Goal: Lose 10 Pounds in April
April 1 - 272.0
Today's Weigh In: 269.8
2.4 down, 7.6 to go!

I seem to be locked into the 269 point. It's a bit stressful every time I step on the scale in the morning, as strange as that might sound.

I hit the gym this morning but have basketball tonight - Kevin's been dealing with illness so hopefully he'll be ok to play, but either way I'll have 2 hours hauling ass up and down the court tonight. Really looking forward to it.

I don't know why but I've had this major case of writer's block when it comes to this blog lately. I don't really have much to say - but I feel like I need to post more.

It's tax day - April 15th. That means a few things - one, sucks for you if you don't have your taxes done yet. Two, we're 50% through the month, and I'm falling short of my 10 pounds in April goal. Time to step it up a notch.

Keeping Up

2008-04-13T16:54:00.002-05:00

Goal: Lose 10 Pounds in April
April 1 - 272.0
Today's Weigh In: 269.6
2.6 down, 7.4 to go!

I've sat in front of my computer every night this week with writer's block. Not sure what to write. I've done my thing - but this last week has been so unorganized. Tuesday - field trip. Wednesday - jazz contest (straight 1st division ratings, btw!). Thursday and Friday were 10 hour work days to make up for Tuesday and Wednesday being off of work. Running all weekend, you name it.

It's Sunday night and I still haven't completed everything I wanted to get done - and honestly, probably shouldn't be doing this now, but I need to get something.

This week was essentially a wash - about the same weigh ins - but I'll take that, considering this week has been a blur. This week I really have to gear up - I want to drop a solid 2 pounds this week, really make an impact.

Been trying to get Gary back into the gym - hopefully I'll be able to report that he's signed up with me sometime this week. Also, been in 'training' for softball season, gearing my workouts towards speed bursts and power, been doing a TON of core exercises.. my ribs/abs haven't ever felt so sore. That's a good thing.

One other quick note - Detroiters, the "Race for the Cure" is May 31st at 8am starting at Comerica Park. There's a 1 mile run, a 5k walk and a 5k run. I just signed up for the 5k run. It's cheaper the earlier you sign up, so if you're interested, do it soon. You can find the link here.

Keep on trucking, Warriors. I can't believe I'm saying this but April is almost halfway over!

Bedtime

2008-04-09T23:09:00.002-05:00

Goal: Lose 10 Pounds in April
April 1 - 272.0
Today's Weigh In: 268.6
3.6 down, 6.4 to go!

Note the timestamp - it's 12:09am. I wasn't going to blog tonight but I had to report my 268.6 this morning. I left for my run around 7am, did about 2+ miles - headed home, showered, and was headed towards school around 8am.

I just walked in the door, 16 hours later. I work in less than 8 hours. So needless to say this is a short blog.

I'm about 1/3rd of my way to 10 pounds lost in April. We're exactly 1/3rd of the way through April.

Attainable.

PS: I want to say that playing hoops for two hours with Kevin and the guys was awesome - what a great workout. We'll be doing it again next Tuesday, so if anyone's around Detroit, c'mon along. Hit me up.

Ok, seriously. Goodnight, I'm BEYOND exhausted.

Weekend Diligence

2008-04-05T22:07:00.002-05:00

Goal: Lose 10 Pounds in April
April 1 - 272.0
Today's Weigh In: 269.0
3 down, 7.0 to go!

Going to keep this one quick - I know most of us don't check the blogs as much on the weekends.

Weight's slowly going down, eating is solid. Not much else to report.

Kevin and I and others are playing basketball Tuesday, I'm really looking forward to that. We're hosting a BBQ at our place tomorrow, which means I have control over the food choices - which means there'll be good choices for me.

I'm sailing now - I'm 30% to my goal for April and it's April 5th. In the past I've let my foot off the gas - that's not going to happen this month.

Results Come From Your Choices

2008-04-04T21:53:00.003-05:00

Goal: Lose 10 Pounds in April
April 1 - 272.0
Today's Weigh In: 269.2
2.8 down, 7.2 to go!

It was good to see the 269 streak continue, and I plan on keeping this up. This is how I ate today:

Breakfast: Honey Nut Cheerios
Lunch: 2 Lean Pockets (I know, but I don't have chili ready), jello cup, 100 cal snack
Snack: Dry tuna out of the packet
Dinner: Cobb Salad (out to eat)

Pretty straight forward. We went to the Pistons game and to a bar afterwards, and here's where the IMPORTANT decisions came in. For dinner, I chose water for my drink. At the Pistons game, I walked past the concession stands without blinking an eye. After the game Erin and I went to a bar for a few drinks - my beverage of choice? Diet Coke.

I think sometimes we try so hard to make the RIGHT decisions all day long that by the end of the day, we're tired of making the right decisions. I read every day about a FAT Coalition member (many times this is me) who talks about how they ate great all day and worked out and did everything they could, but they were so hungry at a certain point (usually dinner) of the day where they just binged and regreted it.

It's about ALL of our choices.

It does no good for me to hold my opponent on the basketball court to just two points on 5 shots for the first three quarters if I'm going to give up 22 in the fourth and foul out.

Almost isn't enough. I think "almost" is what a lot of us settle for sometimes. And results come from the choices we make.

Which is why a lot of us are "almost" losing weight.

Is your health WORTH going 100%? Let's all have a great April. I don't know about you guys, but I'm dropping 10 pounds this month, MINIMUM.

Awesome

2008-04-03T16:24:00.003-05:00

Goal: Lose 10 Pounds in April
April 1 - 272.0
Today's Weigh In: 269.8
2.2 down, 7.8 to go!

A few things to note today. First off, of course, is today's weigh-in. I snuck JUST underneath 270 today, a milestone. I've done this a few times before, and I've popped right back up. In fact, my "new low" was 266 - and that was probably 4 months ago - so I'm not getting too excited about anything yet.

There's a few things working in my favor right now - first off, I'm convinced that this Metabolife thing is working.. in conjunction with working out and eating right. It's not a magic pill, and without the hard work being put in, I don't think I'd see the results that I am. But, perhaps it was the catalyst.

Secondly, I got a new toy for my birthday. An Ipod Nano with the Nike+ chip. If you don't know how this thing works - it's a little chip that connects to any Ipod Nano and it records your runs. It's kind of like GPS - I set it when I go for a run, and it tracks how far you've gone, your time, your calories and your history - so you can try to beat your 'pace' next time. It's a cool toy. Also, you can connect it to ITunes and upload your information and it'll give you cool graphs like the one above (click on it or the link to make it bigger) to illustrate how you're doing and let you upload your runs to 'challenge' others. It's a pretty incredible technology.

And besides, it's a new 'toy' so it makes me want to go out and run just so I can use it.

And now that the weather is getting better, I'm wanting to get out more. Kevin's wanting to play some hoops this weekend so I hope I'm able to do this, but softball season is right around the corner, and we're playing basketball on Tuesday nights from 7-9 (anyone local to Detroit is invited, hit me up), so I'm looking forward to the springtime.

Not much else - just staying strong. Hope you're all with me. Amazing April everyone. April 30th's my 3rd wedding anniversary, so I'm hoping to celebrate it under 262. Only one way to accomplish that - hard work and determination with NO slip ups.

April

2008-04-02T11:04:00.002-05:00

March Results:

March 1 Weigh In: 280.5
March 31 Weigh In: 272.0
Total Lost: 8.5 pounds.
Goal: Came up short by 2.1 pounds

That's fine with me. This is the first 8 pound month for me in a long, long time. But here's the reality. I've been to 272 a TON of times. In order to repeat my 8.5 pound loss, I'll have to break into new grounds - the 260's - and STAY there.

The last weekend was so much fun for me - I got to go to the FAT party with my peeps, I had a surprise party for my cousin, I had an NCAA Elite 8 game in a suite (with unlimited food - yikes), a Red Wings game, Tiger's Opening Day, my birthday, my family over for cake and ice cream (which I had) - you name it. AWESOME weekend.

And you know what I find the best?

I stayed strong through the entire thing. I had a small piece of cake and a scoop of ice cream. But I did so well - I was strong in the suite, I made the best decisions I could - when we went out to dinner for my 'birthday meal' we went to Applebees so I could get my Chili-Lime Chicken Salad (250 cals) and French Onion Soup (150 cals).

This is a good reminder for myself, and anyone else who reads this, that no matter the obstacles you deal with - if you plan ahead and have a bit of pride in what you can accomplish, you can do what you need to do to succeed. Under the past circumstances, I would have *GAINED* five pounds this weekend due to poor choices. I don't feel like I was left out, and I did well.

April 1's weigh in: 272.0
This morning's weigh in: 270.4

I want to lose 10 pounds this month - beat April's 8.5

That would get me to 262.0. Those 10 pounds would be HUGE for me.

Cruising

2008-03-30T21:36:00.002-05:00

Start Weight: 280.4 (March 3)
Goal Weight: 269.9
Today's Weigh In: 271.4
Days to Goal (March 31): 1 remaining
Total Pounds Lost: 9 out of 10.5 (1.5 to go!)

Ok, so I probably won't hit my goal of 10.5 pounds by tomorrow, but it's possible. If I could hit it before April 1 and start off April under 270, I could definitely deal with that.

I'm heading into the last day of the month going strong, believe it or not. For the past what - 5, 6 months - I've been stagnant. This month, I've started out above 280 (again), and I am SO close to being under 270.

The last few days have been a tough challenge, but I can say that I've done pretty damn well. When we went out for dinner a few nights ago, I had the salad at Red Robin when I really wanted the burger. I saw a 272.0 on the scale yesterday which was nice, and then it pushed me through until yesterday. Yesterday I had the two parties - the FAT party (which was awesome, great work by Kevin and Beck), and then my cousin's surprise party (that she knew about - you can't get ANYTHING past a woman).

I did great - and with help by Erin. I told her on the way to the bar that I wasn't going to drink anything, because I was doing so well on the day. When I got there and around my family (who were "slightly lubricated"), I really wanted to have a beer. Erin reminded me (a few times) about what my goals were, and long story made short, I was doing Karaoke with a glass of ice water in my hand all night. Sober Karaoke - it was my first attempt at it. It's definitely a different ballgame ;)

Which brings me to today - I ate well before the two games because I knew there were going to be a TON of temptations. I get to the Red Wings game and it was easy to pass on everything because I knew we were headed to the Ford Field suites next for the NCAA game (Kansas vs Davidson, GREAT game!) - and the food and beers were free, as opposed to $8.50 for a 22 ounce Bud Light at the Wings game.

So we get to Ford Field and there's a feast good enough for the Last Supper. Crab cake sandwiches, chicken/cheese quesadillas, every type of chocolate and beer you could think of - cheeses on top of cheeses, all my weaknesses. I had a little bit - but I was more concerned about serving sizes, that's always the killer.

Kristen and I were talking at the FAT party about this - how it's not that we're sliding into the habits of eating BAD food - but that we're slipping into eating larger portions of what we're used to eating, which doubles our calories without thinking about it. So, I had limited amounts and tasted a few things. They gave us this chocolate/caramel brownie thing that was *HUGE* - I took it, cut about 3 bites off of it and had that, and put the rest of it in a bowl and took it home for Erin.

Good for me - I get to limit what I ate and was able to enjoy some chocolate within reason, and good because I got mega-bonus points for being at the game and being considerate enough to be a good husband and bring some home. Bonus.

So, I got 271.4 today - and I'm hoping to see it continue. I don't know if I expect a big drop today, I did have a pretty healthy Captain and Diet Coke, some brownie and a small quesadilla - but considering what obstacles I faced in the food realm this weekend, I think I'm pretty proud of myself. Tomorrow's official "Birthday Dinner" is Applebees - I'll be working off of the Weight Watcher's menu.

Let's make April amazing.

Not TWO Far

2008-03-28T23:09:00.002-05:00

Start Weight: 280.4 (March 3)
Goal Weight: 269.9
Today's Weigh In: 272.0
Days to Goal (March 31): 4 remaining
Total Pounds Lost: 8.4 out of 10.5 (2.1 to go!)

What can I say? The weight's moving slowly but surely in the right direction, and I can't complain about that. I've been eating well, the Metabolife seems to be working, and I've been in the gym every day. Tonight we ended up going to dinner and out for drinks - I had a Cobb salad minus half of the stuff, and I gave half of the bread to Erin, and had the other half - meaning like I had 3 bites of bread.

Then, out for drinks Erin and I both ordered a 22 of Blue Moon. I took a few sips, but all I could think about the calories - and how I've come SO far lately. I love me some Blue Moon, but not more than I love me some 260's, so I sipped on mine, barely making a dent. When she had like an inch at the bottom of her glass, I traded her. I probably had 6 ounces of beer tonight.

Small successes.

I've got 3 days left - can I lose these last 2.1 pounds? Only one way to find out.

Goal and Weekend To Go

2008-03-27T16:53:00.002-05:00

Start Weight: 280.4 (March 3)
Goal Weight: 269.9
Today's Weigh In: 272.4
Days to Goal (March 31): 4 remaining
Total Pounds Lost: 8 out of 10.5 (2.5 to go!)

I just wanted to post earlier than 10:30pm at night because usually by then the blogs are pretty uninspired due to exhaustion.

This weekend is huge for me. I dropped another .6 or so today, and it's because I'm working my ass off. I've been eating perfectly, a handful of almonds on the road to school, a bowl of raisin bran before I leave, a pork chop and a small serving of fake-mashed potatoes for lunch today, I had a 210 calorie cup of soup around 4pm becuase I was starving, and we're going to have a smart dinner tonight.

I made one of my decisions easier on myself for this weekend - on Monday for my birthday dinner I chose to go to Applebees. There was about 30 restaurants I'd rather go to - and I would have gone to in the past - that I would rather go to. In the past, the birthday dinner was the reward. High fat, something I normally wouldn't have (can someone say "Louis' Pizza?), and I'd enjoy it while all the while saying that 'birthday calories don't count".

This year, I choose to do my celebrating with the scale. Applebees has a great weight watchers menu that I can have a nice dinner, enjoy my family and still keep it where I need to be.

That is what's important this year.

4-Pound Dash

2008-03-26T21:56:00.002-05:00

Start Weight: 280.4 (March 3)
Goal Weight: 269.9
Today's Weigh In: 273.0
Days to Goal (March 31): 5 remaining
Total Pounds Lost: 7.3 out of 10.5 (3.2 to go!)

So yeah - yesterday it was 277, today it was 273. Not really holding my breath for another day like that, but I ate the same as yesterday, worked out the same as yesterday, took the same pills as yesterday, so I need to stick to the right direction.

I've got to get under 270 - at least SEE it, by my birthday on Monday. And you want to talk ROADBLOCKS?

Friday - going out to eat, then to a show, and then to a bar.
Saturday - FAT Party (wahoo!), then surprise party at a bar.
Sunday - Going out Red Wings game (3pm), possible NCAA tourney game if the schedule works out right. Game times haven't been announced.
Monday - Detroit Tigers Opening Day, my birthday, going out to dinner w/ family for birthday.

So I've got some choices to make this week. Tomorrow is my last "easy" day before my birthday, and I have to get a head start. Thinking I might double up on the gym - before school (6am) and after work (6pm) - then it's just a matter of what I want more this weekend. Do I want to have fun and celebrate? Or, do I want to be the *ULTIMATE* Weekend Warrior and have something to celebrate AFTERwards?

It all comes down to how important this is to me. This ain't going to be an easy weekend, but what the hell - if it was easy, everyone would do it. Who's with me?

The Placebo Effect?

2008-03-25T21:47:00.003-05:00

Weigh In: 277.4

I'm trying something starting yesterday that I never thought that I would want to use, but sometimes you have to step out of the box. I've been looking at different supplements for a while and wanted to use something that would kickstart my body. It's no secret that I've been going half-ass while trying to convince myself that I've been going full-ass for a while now. No one works out 6-7 days a week and doesn't lose weight by eating right.

So, I'm trying Metabolife. I got the ephedrine-free, caffeine-free version. It's got a bunch of whatever-dohickey extract stuff in it, but the purpose is to speed up the metabolism safely while supressing appetite. Sounds like a load of crap, doesn't it?

The strange thing is, it's working. I'm not sure how, or if it's just my mind wanting to BELIEVE that taking these pills 3 times a day is working, but it's working so far. I've noticed my ability to keep from eating too much has been better. I've noticed that I've had more energy lately. I've had a better focus.

So, it may very well be the placebo effect. It could be my brain making my body BELIEVE that whatever is in this potion is working when it's really just me being mentally stronger - or even FOOLED.

So what? If it works, it works. The bottle is worth 8 weeks, and they said "Lose 25 pounds in 3 weeks!". Commercials are crap, and sales pitches are even bigger crap - and I can say that since I'm a salesperson by trade. Maybe it's a mental game.

Whatever it takes, though. If I have to use a pill as a crutch, frankly - I'm at the point where I'm ok with it. I need to drop this weight, and if I need to "cheat", I'm going to cheat.

Btw: Kevin and anyone else who wants to play basketball in the Troy, MI area, let me know - we're going to start on April 8th - time pending.

Secret Potion

2008-03-24T21:28:00.002-05:00

Weigh In: 277.4

Not really much to say again tonight. I've been at a loss for words lately, but it's because it's the same old stuff, just a different day. I made a point to eat STELLAR today. I did everything right. Was in the gym at 5:45 this morning and had a solid 60 minutes in the gym.

What else can I say that hasn't been said? I finally got back to everyone's blogs today - sorry that I've been out of commission lately. I feel like I've got 100 things going on and sometime replying to blogs seems overwhelming when you haven't done it for a while. I had to reply to like 12 of them today, so hopefully I got to everyone.

I'm not sure why I'm speechless here tonight. I'm sitting here in front of the computer and have writer's block. Erin will tell you, it's not often that I am speechless, I like to talk - but tonight, I am just drawing blanks.

So, eat right, work out, be diligent. It'll eventually come off, right?

.. right?

Hacked

2008-03-24T06:14:00.002-05:00

Looks like all of http://makeforum.net, the free site provider that we host the FAT Coalition forums on, has been hacked.

http://fatcoalition.makeforum.org/

I don't understand why these weaselly little nerdy asswipes think it's cool to screw with everyone, but the entire makeforum.org site is being hacked. Losers.

I'll update as I know more.

Too Much

2008-03-21T21:41:00.002-05:00

Weigh In: 274.8

The title sums it up. I woke up at the normal time but couldn't go to the gym this morning. I worked at 8am but because of Good Friday, I didn't get a chance to work out because the gym opened last this morning. So, I did 50 sit up and 50 push ups. Totally felt like I was blowing it off.

So, I was out of sync today. I snacked on some jelly beans today, which is out of character. Not a ton of them - but for some reason I grabbed some. I hardly ever do that anymore - I was just saying in the comments of my own blog last night that I don't get the urge to eat the crap we have laying aroudn at work - and here I go dipping into the jelly beans. Probably only about 20 of them (180 calories for 14), so it's not a killer. It's more the fact that I had them than the calories themselves.

Then we went to Max & Erma's for dinner. I had a Sante Fe salad which is one of the better options, but then I had 2 breadsticks at 210 calories each. And then I had 3 bites of Erin's spicy (fried) chicken sandwich. And a beer.

I do so well all day long usually, and then I end up having dinners that are too big. I'm not quite sure why - I geuss I could go into the whole "it's my culture, it's how I was brought up, it's just how I'm used to" eating too much thing - but the bottom line is, I need to change my mindset of dinner being a big feast. It's absolutely killing me. It's like I do SO well for 23.90 hours, and then in 10 minutes, I blow it.

So, it's all about the weekend. I'm at the exact same spot as I was this time last week. I need to figure out the whole dinner thing. I'm not sure what mentla block I have, but I have to break through. Why bother being perfect the rest of the day if I'm just going to blow it at night?

Timing

2008-03-20T21:31:00.004-05:00

Start Weight: 280.4 (March 3)
Goal Weight: 260.4
Today's Weigh In: 275.2
Days to Goal (March 31): 11 remaining
Total Pounds Lost: 5.2 out of 11

Let's see how tomorrow works. I ate really well (again) today, but I ended up eating dinner after 9pm. I really didn't want to but there just literally wasn't 10 minutes to eat. I came home, 30 seconds after I got home my lesson student was there, and then when she left I had to take off to my wife's aunt house because she's doing some photography stuff for us. Got back to the house at 9ish. Had a chicken breast, salad, a piece of whole grain bread and one of those tiny jelly cup things with pineapple in it. Had turkey chili, some veggies and a diet pop for lunch. Had coffee for breakfast.

So, since I weigh in early, that'll probably cause my weight to go up. A bit frustrating because my body doesn't have any allowances. I'm sure it'll be up tomorrow, and it'll piss me off again. I wanted to start eating dinner EARLIER, and having smaller portions for dinner, which means I'd have to start eating more during the day. My time schedule just never works out - and that's a bit annoying. Something I have to overcome. Everything is on the run lately, I'm glad I'm busy with things I enjoy - but I'll be damned if I don't have a second to breathe.

One thing I was thinking about - once I do my 'official' student teaching and not this 15/hr a week stuff, I'll be on my feet ALL day. I won't have time to eat, I'll be moving constantly, and I think that might help me get to these goals I want to hit. But that's 5 months away - and I'm just tired of these 270s.

I'm exhausted so I'm not feeling up to analyzing everything, but the bottom line is, I have to start eating earlier, I need to start eating more meals and have smaller portions. It's the common sense stuff.

PS: I made a slight adjustment to my goal at the top of the post - I'm setting it for 11 pounds in March, trying to get under 270 by my birthday. More realistic (I hope).

Breaking the Cycle (and Happy Spring)

2008-03-19T21:02:00.003-05:00

Start Weight: 280.4 (March 3)
Goal Weight: 260.4
Today's Weigh In: 274.4
Days to Goal (April 16): 40 remaining
Total Pounds Lost: 6 out of 20

Slowly, but surely.

One thing I've been thinking about lately is how and when I do my workouts. I do mine in the AM - but I feel like perhaps I should start getting more exercise at night. Just a thought - what's everyone's opinion on this? Does it matter WHEN you work out?

I know the two trains of thought - one is what I tended to fall under, the other I've heard often. Working out in the morning gears you up for the day. Alternatively, workout out and night lets your body work at a higher rate while you sleep. I'm not sure if I buy that it makes a difference either way, but that's what has been on my mind lately. Also, I wonder if working out at night (say, after dinner) helps the food process through your body quicker, resulting in a higher level of digestion and helping weight loss.

So these are the things I'm thinking about. Next up is trying to FIND TIME to work out a bit more. I'm not going to change my morning routine, but perhaps I can find time to do more at night. Something has to give -and although the weight came down a bit today again, it seems to be hovering. I need to do something EXTRA.

Tomorrow's the first day of spring - it can't come soon enough.

Workin' it Out

2008-03-18T21:09:00.002-05:00

Start Weight: 280.4 (March 3)
Goal Weight: 260.4
Today's Weigh In: 276.4
Days to Goal (April 16): 41 remaining
Total Pounds Lost: 4 out of 20

Ok, so it seems like I'm going backwards. I eluded to this yesterday, but I had two things going against me in today's weigh in. First off - the beer consumption. Had a good time, and you could tell by the scale. It was up today. Also, I changed the 'time' that I weigh in - I used to weigh in AFTER the gym in the morning, and now because I'm going to the gym and changing/showering there and heading straight to work, I weigh in right when I get out bed. Traditionally I get about 2 pounds(ish) lower when I 'officially' step on the scale after the gym.

So, it went up. But I'm not sweating it, because I just stepped on the scale before dinner (one of the highest times of the day for me) and I was at 275 - lower than I was at my weigh in, and I usually drop 1-3 during the night, so I'm not TOO worried. I hated seeing it, but it is what it is.

I went to the gym this morning at 6:30am nd did 40 on the Eliptical this morning, went to school and work, left work at 6pm - went to volleyball at 7pm and then played for two hours straight, got home around 9:15 - Erin had made turkey sloppy joes, so I had a small bowl (probably about 6-7 bites) with no bread, right out of the bowl, and I'm calling it a night.

I'm starting to get that sense of urgency. There's 13 days left in the month and I *NEED* to get to the 260s. It's crunch time.

St. Patty's Day

2008-03-17T21:25:00.002-05:00

This is going to be yet another quick one.

Ate perfectly today. Worked out in the AM.

Drank 2 pints of beer and a tall beer for St. Patty's tonight, plus one soft shell taco from Taco Bell around 9:45pm. Not the greatest move - but you know what, it's a holiday, I enjoyed it and I won't look back.

My weight has been STUCK again. I keep fluctuating between 274-276, it was high this morning too. I have been doing the whole 3 S's thing, going to the gym and THEN weighing in, but I'm changing that (as of this morning, which is why it was high this morning). I decided that I'm going to weigh in right after hitting the can, but before anything else. It gives me a better barometer, and even if it is a little higher (usually lose 1-3 pounds at the gym - water weight I'm sure), it'll give a better idea of what I am straight out of bed.

Plus, my schedule has been weird - this way, if I weigh in as soon as I get up and then shower at the gym instead of coming home, that shaves about 40 minutes off my prep time, so that means I get 40 minutes of sleep more. VERY valuable.

So, I've been breaking even. Been looking into a few alternatives to help give me that extra push. I will keep you guys updated as I go.

Going strong - but I have a feeling the 60+ ounces of beer isn't going to look too good on the scale in the morning.

Right back at it tomorrow morning. I've *GOT* to get under 270 in 2 weeks - 14 days until the birthday.

Weekend Time

2008-03-14T22:00:00.001-05:00

Start Weight: 280.4 (March 3)
Goal Weight: 260.4
Today's Weigh In: 273.6
Days to Goal (April 16): 45 remaining
Total Pounds Lost: 6.4 out of 20

Ok, well at least the weight came back down to where it was 2 days ago.

Going to be a short one tonight. Ate well, worked out - same old story. I'm trying to work out a way to get the church gym available so Kevin and I (and anyone else who wants to play) can play hoops at least once a week. The more activity, the better. We'll see how that goes.

Also, this is yet another weekend. So many times we've seen the Coalition members (obviously including myself) do so well during the week just to see a week's worth of efforts erased on the weekend. We know what to do - so let's just DO IT.

17 days until my birthday. I'd really, really like to have a 5 day average under 270 by then. Let's see what we can't work out.

Q and A

2008-03-13T21:31:00.002-05:00

Start Weight: 280.4 (March 3)
Goal Weight: 260.4
Today's Weigh In: 275.4
Days to Goal (April 16): 46 remaining
Total Pounds Lost: 5.0 out of 20

Here's a riddle for you.

Q: What do you get when you work out in the morning, eat right and hold off the temptation of eating pizza, and instead eating your scheduled lunch of fruit and turkey chili?

A: A 2 pound weight gain.

I'll never figure my body out, and why it reacts the way it does, but it just proves what I've been saying to be true. All I need to do is walk PAST a bakery to gain a pound. In this case, I was in the SAME ROOM as pizza and put on two.

Not sure why - and it does bother me, but being a veteran of this war against fat, I know that this is just what happens. I had a good eating day again today to go along with another workout, so I don't expect that to stick.

Honestly, I'm getting tired of being in the 270's. I've done what I should be doing, yet the body doesn't want to seem to let go. My brain wants to start changing things around, but we've been there before. I'm going to just continue what I'm doing - eating right, working out, and living healthy, and the weight will come off.

In the meantime, keep pizza out of the same room with me.

Slowly but surely

2008-03-12T21:41:00.002-05:00

Start Weight: 280.4 (March 3)
Goal Weight: 260.4
Today's Weigh In: 273.6
Days to Goal (April 16): 47 remaining
Total Pounds Lost: 6.8 out of 20

We're getting there slowly, but surely. Time to keep on going.

Not much to report except for one thing I'm pretty proud of. The bands had a party day today at school - they earned all "1"s at Festival, I think I mentioned that - but today they had a big pizza party. And since there's 2 bands, that means 2 pizza parties.

Yup, I had to fight through 2 pizza parties today.

And I won.

So I feel good about that.

Otherwise, not much news. Just sat down for the first time since about 6:30am, it's now 10:40pm. Actually, about 15 minutes ago I was able to chill out. Busy day, but got a lot done. We bought a new patio set so I went to the gym, to school, to work, home to teach a private lesson (sax), and then finish putting the patio set together - I had to install the thing, not too bad, but time consuming.

The Coalition's been pretty slow again lately - hope you're all going strong.

Bend but don't break

2008-03-11T21:09:00.002-05:00

Weigh In: 274.4

Yup, the weight's starting to stay put. I had a good workout this morning, and my eating was pretty much on the money. This is what I had:

PB&J for breakfast (timing issue, had to eat on the road. Best of the available choices)
Turkey chili, banana & apple for lunch.
Pork chop cooked in EVOO and salad for dinner
1/2 cup (in the measuring cup) of ice cream for dessert (140 cals)

I know what you're thinking about the ice cream, and that's fine. Erin gave me the look tonight too when I had it, but I just felt like it. I've been doing pretty stellar when it comes to the eating right thing - I even had a few temptations today and was able to avoid them. I made sure to have one serving - half a cup - and I used the measuring cup as the bowl so that there was no deviation from the serving size. I don't feel bad about it at all.

Other than that, a pretty non-eventual day. I had volleyball tonight and pretty much played as if I have never played the game tonight. Totally sucked. But, it was an hour of sweating balls, so that's ok in the long run. Tomorrow's another day, hope you're all going strong.

4 days til' TGIF

2008-03-10T21:24:00.003-05:00

Start Weight: 280.4 (March 3)
Goal Weight: 260.4
Today's Weigh In: ?
Days to Goal (April 16): 49 remaining
Total Pounds Lost: 6.4 out of 20

Didn't think to weigh in this morning. Had a ton on my plate this morning, and just didn't. Got up, ran to the gym, and ran to school. Same old, same old.

Not a lot to report today - I ate great, I did what I had to do, and then I'm headed to bed (late again). I'll be back in the gym in the morning.

Erin made a comment about how healthy my lunches are. I'm starting to get the hang of it. Tomorrow's lunch? Turkey chili, banana and an apple. Breakfast will probably be a bowl of Raisin Bran again, and I'm sure she's got a healthy dinner made up.

One small note: I was feeling that "I want to eat everything in the fridge" feeling tonight when I was at work. I knew Erin wasn't going to be home until after 6:45pm and I usually get off of work at 6:00, which means I would have been home without her home. Because I felt one of those uncontrollable binges coming on, I just stayed at work. I spent an extra hour at work because I just didn't trust myself to be responsible with an unmanned fridge.

That's sad, but that's the truth. I feel good about my decision to not put myself in a vulnerable position. It's pretty bad that I knew I couldn't control myself if I ended up there - but I took a neccesary step to avoid a pitfall Whatever it takes, I'm going to do it. Ideal situation or not, I came out ahead tonight. Here's to a good Tuesday.

Sunday Cruise

2008-03-09T21:29:00.002-05:00

Start Weight: 280.4 (March 3)
Goal Weight: 260.4
Today's Weigh In: 274.2
Days to Goal (April 16): 50 remaining
Total Pounds Lost: 6.4 out of 20

Not too much to say tonight, but I want to post something. My weight's slowly coming down, I'm still in the gym damn near 7 days a week, and I'm doing well. I've lost 6.4 pounds this week but I can't get TOO excited because it came from me seeing the 280's again, and this is weight lost over and over again. Hard to have a parade over this - but I suppose it's better than NOT losing the 6.4 pounds.

Ate well today. Raisin Bran for breakfast (late), sunflower seeds and 2 apples during the day, and Orange Roughy w/ minestone and salad (with two pieces of bread) at the restaurant tonight. I could have done w/o the bread, but over the course of the day, I did well.

Not much else to say - been a quiet weekend around the blogs. Hopefully you all come strong tomorrow morning for the March 10 Challenge. Let's hear how the weekend warriors did this time around.

Saturday Is Somebody Too

2008-03-08T22:54:00.002-05:00

Weigh In: 274.

The blogs usually slow down on the weekends, and I have a basic theory on this. It's not that we don't care on weekends, but because our schedules and routines are different. Chances are, many of us don't work on the weekends, or have a different time committment.

I'm not breaking new ground here, but stating the obvious. I think that we have to collectively start putting more pressure on our weekends. How good we do on Monday through Friday, we should have that kind of success on the weekends. And some of us do - those are the ones in the Coalition that are losing the pounds. Those of us (me included) who have been spinning the wheels, chances are we don't put as much effort into the weekends as we do the weekdays.

Saturday is somebody too. Saturday and Sunday deserve as much of our dedication and committment as the rest of the week. Are you proving that you're a Weekend Warrior? If so, then awesome. If not, what can you do better?

Oh, and side note - went somewhere for dinner (Woodward Avenue Brewery) where there weren't many good choices for dinner. I thought I'd grab a dinner salad but they all looked like 1000 calories traps. They happened to have "turkey chili" as an appetizer, so instead of going all out on my dinner, I chose the turkey chili as my meal with a side salad.

Weekend Warriors, my friends. Monday "Tuck's Big Challenge" weigh ins make these weekends even MORE important.

Long But Great Day

2008-03-07T22:56:00.002-05:00

Start Weight: 280.4 (March 3)
Goal Weight: 260.4
Today's Weigh In: 274.6
Days to Goal (April 16): 52 remaining
Total Pounds Lost: 5.8 out of 20

Today was a great day, but it had nothing to do with weight loss. Remember how I said I'm a student teacher and I'm working with the middle school bands? Today was our "Festival" - a competition where each band is rated on 3 songs and a sight reading piece. Long story made short, I was in the gym at 6am, to the school by 8:30am, and I left the school around 8:30pm.

The results from the contest? Each band gets a rating from 3 judges - "I" (one) being the best, and "V" (five) being the worst. They strive all year towards this contest.

The 7th grade band?

They got straight "I"'s from 3 different judges.

The 8th grade band?

They got two "I's and a "II" - which gives them a final rating of "I"

We swept it. I'm INCREDIBLY proud of them.

I'm proud of myself too - bringing this back to weight loss. I had a PBJ for breakfast (running out the door), coffee during the morning, 220 cals of Chicken Noodle Soup and 2 oranges for lunch, and then a pretty damned good Chili-Lime Grilled Chicken Salad (250 cals) at Applebees off of their Weight Watchers menu with their French Onion soup (150 cals).

Great day all around - I'm EXHAUSTED, but I wouldn't trade today's achievements for anything. There's only one thing better - and that's me NOT having to set my alarm to wake up early on a Saturday morning.

Weekend warriors, everyone. Stay strong.

Heading into the weekend

2008-03-06T22:28:00.002-05:00

Start Weight: 280.4 (March 3)
Goal Weight: 260.4
Today's Weigh In: 275.0
Days to Goal (April 16): 53 remaining
Total Pounds Lost: 5.4 out of 20

Short and sweet one tonight, I'm pretty exhausted. Band festivals are tomorrow so my entire day from 8am until about 9pm is going to be dedicated to rehearsals and two major performances, so here goes nothing. It's already 10:30pm and I'm wiped out, so don't expect much out of this blog.

The weight creeped up .4 pounds today, but you know I'm not complaining. Just have to keep going strong.

The coffee thing is working, but I still have those cravings. Haven't quite figured out how to get them out of my head - I'm starting to believe that I'm NEVER going to, so it looks like I better gear myself up for a lifelong fight. I can deal with that.

Not much else to say - long day ahead, but it's a TGIF. Oh, and just got done watching American Idol just now, and all I have to say is, I'm "TMTH".

Someone should slap that kid. Twice.

Good To The Last Drop

2008-03-05T22:05:00.002-05:00

Start Weight: 280.4 (March 3)
Goal Weight: 260.4
Today's Weigh In: 274.6
Days to Goal (April 16): 54 remaining
Total Pounds Lost: 5.8 out of 20

I think I may have found myself a secret weapon. I've been wanting to eat a lot lately between meals for a while, and have always had to eat something.

Coffee.

I don't know why, but I like coffee all of a sudden. With Equal or Sweet and Low. And a tiny bit of creamer. About 20 calories worth. For some reason, coffee cures cravings for me. It's been like that the last few days. Hungry? Go grab a cup of coffee and it goes away.

Not sure why, but not sure that I care. If it works, then so be it.

The weight dropped pretty hard again today, so you know I won't be complaining. I ate well again today, and all I can think of is that I'm wondering when the weight's going to stop coming off. From 280 to 277 to 274 in two days? That's one thing that drives me crazy about my body. Don't get me wrong - I'll take 6 pounds in 2 days, but my body's fluctuation drives me up a wall.

Take most of you for example. Eat bad, and the weight goes up by .4 pounds. Eat good, and it goes down .4. Me? I walk past a bakery, and I put on not 1, 2 or 3 - but FOUR pounds. It seems like it's always an extreme. At least it goes both ways. I don't expect to lose 6 more pounds in the next two days - but I'm going to work as if I do.

Yet another day

2008-03-04T22:20:00.002-05:00

Start Weight: 280.4 (March 3)
Goal Weight: 260.4
Today's Weigh In: 277.4
Days to Goal (April 16): 55 remaining
Total Pounds Lost: 3.0 out of 20

I'm blatantly stealing Kevin's idea - and since the two of us have been doing this side by side since Day 1, it seems appropriate that we fight together on our way down to 260. Kevin posted a blog about pride a few nights ago, and it struck a chord with me. Everything he said, I felt. This pushed me to flat out copy him, and push both of us OUT of the 270s forever. And forget just the 270's - the 260's as well. And after a 15 months of doing this, we're within .2 pounds of each other. Separated at birth? Very possible.

I've been looking for a source of motivation lately, and I've been struggling with it. I've been looking at myself, other people, reading articles, just trying to "do something" - everything.. and nothing has been working for me. Strangely enough though, reading Kevin's blog yesterday, the one I linked to, drudged something up.

Kevin and I have always been like this - gung ho for a while, and then RIGHT when we're JUST ABOUT to really do something, we choke. Something keeps us from hitting that goal. I know this sounds like the 'same old' crap .. but the way I see it - this is another fork in the road. Do I choose to fail again, or do I choose to succeed. It's really simple.

So, Kev - if you're up for it, let's do this together and break through. You're in town now, so let's get this done. What do you say - and anyone else who is up for it.

HUGE month in March? No more bellyaching and excuse making? We control our OWN bodies instead of our weaknesses doing it for us? We can call it a 'challenge' if you want, or we can call it leaning on each other as a team, but whatever we call it, it's about damn time that we cut out the bullcrap and pity parties that we're both giving, and just knock it out of the park.

Eye of the Tiger. Anyone with me?

New week

2008-03-03T07:59:00.002-05:00

I blogged last night about how shitty things were, and frankly, I wanted to post another blog before you all commented on that one because I want to leave last week in the past.

I haven't been doing right. I have been eating poorly, and I've not been motivated to do anything about it. I feel as if I've been looking for excuses to eat like shit because I'm stressed out and it's making me feel sorry for myself.

Frankly, that sucks. I went to the gym this morning like I always do, and I got on the Elliptical. I was planning on doing my same old 30 minute workout and while I was running, all I was doing was thinking about how I have been failing myself. So, when I got to 30, I just kept running. I was angry when I was running today - all I could think about is why I was in the gym, busting my ass every single freaking day, and then I go and screw it all up by eating like a bat out of hell.

So I went the full hour. I left my warmup pullover on the entire time, I wanted to sweat out as much as I could. When I was done, I could have rung the sweatshirt out.

March 3rd already. I'm back to where I was at the beginning of the year. I f'ed myself again.

28 days until I turn 31. I've got a choice to make.

Weigh In - 280.4.

Another weekend gone

2008-03-02T22:31:00.003-05:00

Not much to report on today - but things are going to be changing soon. I'm not sure how, but I've been doing a lot of soul search lately.

February was about as bad as you could write it up - I broke the diet way too much, I couldn't stay focused - it just went to crap. March *NEEDS* to be better.

I turn 31 on March 31. I still haven't taken control of what I need to take control of. I'm looking into options and alternatives to keep me going - honestly, if it wasn't for this blog, I would have been off the wagon this month. It's a tough go - and I can only use life's distractions for an excuse for so long.

For those of you in the "Tucks' Big Challenge" - sorry that I've slacked on getting results up - I *HOPE* to have them up tomorrow. It's been just.. well, not good lately. For those of you who root me on in this blog, and for those of you who are getting bored with seeing my struggles, hang in there with me. Motivation has been lacking lately - but I'm trying to get something meaningful out of this. I know you've all heard this a hundred times - but I'm trying to reinvent myself. Trying to find out WHY I do what I do - WHY I can go to a Euchre party and not be proud enough of my efforts to NOT eat everything I can find.

It has to get better - I'm not going to be one of those people who lose all this weight, rest on their laurels, and then gain it all back. That will NOT be me. I've earned what I've earned - that will not be taken away.

More later - stay strong.

Curse the Groundhog

2008-02-29T08:02:00.002-05:00

It's not like me to not post in 4 days, so I thought I'd pop in.

I'm full of excuses lately, but I've been doing "ok". Long story made short, I've been so busy lately and so wrapped up with what's going on at the school and at work, and then other extra curriculars that I haven't been able to make time for myself. I've been putting Erin off too - which I feel bad about. It just seems like it's one "major event" after another, and the preparation for all of this is incredibly time consuming.

I've been leaving my house by 5:45am every single day, and generally speaking, I haven't been home (and even when I have been I've been working on something while I am there and not relaxing) until around 9pm most nights. Then, I don't get to sleep before 11 it seems, and the alarm is going off at 5:20. Wash, rinse, repeat.

I'm not going to sit here and pretend that I'm the 'busiest' person here, or that I'm the ONLY person with a hectic life, but right now, I'm being pulled in so many different directions. Work is stressful as hell with deadlines and requirements that have been BREATHING down my neck. School is a lot of fun, but there's a ton of extra effort. I've been recording the bands and watching the 'game film' so to speak to work with them the next night, there were parent/teacher conferences that I went to (weird being on the other side of the desk, btw) that means I didn't get home until after 9 again last night, and our major Festivals (huge competition) is next Friday, so we've been gearing up for that.

So, my weight loss program has taken a back seat. I've been eating "ok" - great some days, not-so-great the next. You know what that means. I even justified having two Rice Krispy Treats a few days ago because it's "only marshmallow and cereal". I've been in the gym like clockwork 7 days a week, but my workouts are lackluster and unfocused. I get in there, do a 'few' things, work out for a little bit, and call it a day. My dad used to have a saying - it's like nailing one foot to the ground and running. You're going like hell, but you're not getting anywhere.

Everything just seems so unorganized lately. This weather doesn't help - it's totally miserable. It seems like it's snowing every other day, we haven't seen higher than 25 degrees, it's windy and shitty outside - I feel like a caged rat. Billy used to talk about these Winter Blues (not sure if that was the right terminology) and how it's hard to work out in the winter, and the general depression that you feel during this time of year. I think that's hit me pretty damn hard this time around. Everything is a struggle.

So, we continue. I weighed in at 275 this morning. I've been going between 272 and 276 for the past week, and I ended up having Subway (not the healthy smart stuff - the "what the school bought" stuff) last night, so I'm sure I'm a walking sponge today.

I just need to hold on. Springtime can't come soon enough.

Another Day

2008-02-25T21:50:00.002-05:00

Weigh In: 272.0

Another short blog tonight, I've been at a loss for words. Nothing really big happening - the same work and school schedule. I didn't get a chance to work out this morning because I gave blood yesterday and was told not to work out for 24 hours, so I didn't.

I'll be back at it in the AM - the weigh in was a bit weird because I usually weigh in AFTER working out, and today I didn't do that so it "could have been" lower. Not too concerned, it is what it is, and it's coming down steadily.

Other than that, not much to report. In the gym in the AM, then school/work, and then volleyball. We made the weekly turkey chili tonight, so I"ll be having that the rest of the week. Erin thinks that it's weird that I can have the same thing for lunch 5 days a week, 3 weeks in a row, but I love this turkey chili. It fills me up, it's SUPER healthy, and it's working. Why fix it if it ain't broke?

Here's to another day.

Checking In

2008-02-24T00:47:00.002-05:00

Weigh In: 271.0

Not much to say - had a good day eating wise. I think I might have had a bit too much at dinner - a Cuban pressed sandwich (the bread was kind of big but it was a slice of salami, ham, pork and swiss cheese). Instead of fries I got cooked veggies, and I had about half a Sam Adams Winter Lager. I HATE wasting beer but I wanted SOME, but I kept staring at the beer and thinking "Calories". I did great calories wise the rest of the day - eggs and hash browns (about 5 bites of potatoes) in the AM before the gym and a bowl of Raisin Bran (not ideal but good on the calories) for lunch. That's it - so I don't feel too bad about the dinner.

Other than that, no real news. I see the 271 on the scale and I'm apprehensive. This may sound stupid, but I'm nervous - every time I hit 270/269 I blow the the eating and gain 4 pounds. I know that sounds stupid - it's 100% under MY OWN CONTROL, but it's been such a pattern. THIS is the time for me to break that cycle and just do what I have to do. I can't keep sabotaging myself.

So that's it - short blog. Just checking in. Hope you're all going strong.

Avoidance

2008-02-23T00:16:00.002-05:00

Weigh In: Already reported

Just wanted to get a quickie in. Had a ton of potholes in the road tonight, and I can say that the car came out undamaged.

First, the "healthy" meal that I talked about in the last blog. I stuck to my guns, and ate my own meal. I DID go over and grab some broccoli and pineapple, but I left the healthy chocolate bars alone.

Then, we went to dinner. Had Taco Bell - 4 hard shelled tacos for a total of 600 calories. After my menu today (coming up) I stayed around 2000 calories, so I don't have a problem with it. After this, we went to the Pistons game. I usually get something to eat and a beer - I chose the best alternative for both the wallet and the body. I skipped it completely. THEN - ended up at a party that my sister-in-law was hosting. There was a ton of snacks, brownies, cheese/crackers, tons of liquors and beers. Me? I had a Diet Coke.

So I'm home, and I feel like I did what I could. Now comes the true test - the weekend.

Stay strong, Weekend Warriors.

"Healthy" Choices

2008-02-22T12:04:00.002-05:00

Weigh In: 271.8

The weight's going in the right direction. Today, I'm at the office for 10 hours, from 8-6pm. This is a tricky time for me, because when I'm at the school (not this job, the student teaching stuff) I am constantly moving and working with the kids, so it's easy to not think about food. When you've got 60 seventh graders, it's not hard to get distracted about where your next meal comes from.

(Side note: That gives me hope that once I'm doing FULL time student teaching in September I'll be more successful w/ the food thing).

Today is "healthy eating day" at the job. I'll give my team credit - they planned a healthy menu and are doing the potluck instead of ordering pizza, burgers and fries like they usually do. On the other hand, I brought my lunch today. Turkey chili again (love it), a few pieces of fruit, and a tuna packet in case of hunger later. I'm prepared.

Everyone around here views me as the 'healthy' guy, so naturally they want me to join them on the healthy menu. But, as the saying goes - one man's garbage is another man's treasure. I just looked over there, and they'd got quite the spread. There is a veggie tray (with full fat ranch dressing), a soup that actually does look healthy, oranges, a cheese dip, another melted cheese con queso dip, a few spreads of crackers, a crab dip, and - and I'm not making this up - almond hershey kisses because the almonds are healthy.

I wish I was lying about that - I just took an inventory of the whole deal. I think I could go on an entire rant about what HEALTHY food is and what isn't - but I think it's nice that they all decided to get together for a meal. I grabbed an orange, just to say I participated.

However, instead of the super healthy chili con queso, I think that I'll be sticking to my turkey chili, thank you.

Beware of Potholes

2008-02-21T13:01:00.002-05:00

Weigh In: 272.4

Yes, that's five pounds down from yesterday. That tells me two things.

One, it paid off that I ate the way I did yesterday. I'm headed in the right direction.

Two, my body is obviously fluctuating, and let's not get TOO excited.

Just wanted to make a quick post here today. I planned my meals out perfectly, had a good workout this morning, and I headed out to do my student teaching. We brought in a teacher from a different school to have him help listen to the bands, and after rehearsal (lunch time), my lead teacher looks at both of us and says, "lets do lunch, my treat".

So instead of having my turkey chili, I had a julienne salad from this hole in the wall joint. I found the MOST healthy option on the menu, and chose it.

The pothole to avoid is now that I'm at work, I already had lunch, and now I have my prepared lunch sitting there in the car. I'm reminding myself that just because I had lunch unexpectedly, I don't get to have the turkey chili "in addition", since it's just there. In the past, I would have had the chili in the car on the way to work - but I did good to avoid that. I am still having my planned snacks (bananas, almonds), but the chili will live for another day.

I know I'm going to struggle with this for a while, but I did it once, and I can do it again. I have to get this to become the second-nature that working out has become. That will only happen after plenty of repetition. So far, so good.

Making the Adjustments

2008-02-20T22:19:00.002-05:00

Weigh In: 277.2

Yeah, that pretty much sums up my dedication for the past few weeks.

I've intentionally spend the past few days talking about the mental side of this war within myself. I'm trying to spend more time working on the inside as it's very clear that I've completely either ignored or hid this issue within myself. I've learned a few things about myself, and what I need to focus on.

To me, it's purely about keeping myself honest. I've been lying to myself, and I've known it. The last week I've had little to no energy. I was really look down on myself because I knew I wasn't eating right, working out as STRONG as I could, and I wasn't reporting it. I was lying to you guys, but more importantly, I was lying to myself. I'll work much better towards that.

That being said, here's some of the specifics that I've learned from you guys lately, and some basic things that I'm going to apply.

1 - Eating MUCH more naturally. I'm not going to pretend to be able to completely eliminate EVERYTHING processed out of my diet. But this is going to be something I focus on and spend a lot of time thinking about. In fact, Erin and I went to the grocery store specifically tonight to get the following:

-Apples, bananas, broccoli, carrots and almonds.

You'll see a trend. I'm cutting out the obvious processed foods - the lean pockets, for example. I'm going to limit myself on the amount of diet pop I have. I don't like coffee or tea that much, but I want to start trying coffee. This is where it gets tricky - I want to start slowly eliminating things like Splenda out of my diet (not natural), but if I'm going to trade my diet pop in for coffee, black coffee just disgusts me. One step at a time, but this is how I'm starting off. I hated diet pop at the beginning and had a hard time switching from regular, and not I can't imagine myself drinking regular pop as it disgusts me - perhaps this mental switch will take me one more step.

2: I'm not going to eat past 8pm. That means no snacking, no desserts. Now - sometimes dinner might have to get stuck past 8pm if I don't see my house before that, but the common sense rule applies here. Try to eat dinner early, and just call it a night. There's no reason to eat past 8pm - so I won't do it.

3: Pre-planned snacks. As I mentioned above, I bought almonds and fruit today. Instead of a "fat free pudding cup" as a side dish, I'm getting carrots and broccoli. Need a mid-day snack to keep me going? 28 almonds are 170 calories - plenty to take the hunger away, and a great choice as a substitute.

So this is how I'm learning to walk on water. I said that I planned on getting out of the boat, and this is how it starts for me. I had a perfect day today, here's my menu:

Breakfast - 1 serving shredded wheat w/ 1 cup 1% milk
Snack - 1 orange
Lunch - turkey chili, 1 apple
Snack - 3 ounces of tuna in water
Dinner - Chicken parm (but no cheese) - homemade, it was a chicken breast with breadcrumbs and tomato sauce.

Recognizing what needs to be done is one thing - DOING it is another.

Today was a success. Tomorrow needs to be as well.

If You Want To Walk On Water

2008-02-19T17:56:00.002-05:00

First off, I just posted another blog entry - so make sure to read that one and comment, please. :)

Anyway, I just wanted to post this to explain the new title. The "Second Season" wasn't working for me, and as usual, I have to change it up once in a while.

The phrase, "If you want to walk on water, you have to get out of the boat" has rang true to me for a while. A few weeks ago at church, our pastor did a sermon on this. He spoke of the disciples, and the story of Jesus walking on water. The disciples were in this boat, and Jesus proved that he could walk on water (paraphrasing to keep this from being a sermon in itself). Peter was one of the disciples, and only he - of all 12 of them in the boat - had the guts to get out of the boat and actually have the FAITH to believe in Jesus, and attempt to walk on water. Because of his faith, he was able to do this - if only for a few seconds. The story goes on, but the point is that Peter relied on his faith and what he knew was right - and tried something that he didn't think was possible, and because he put himself out there, he found that he could do something that he would have never dreamed of.

That story sticks with me, because I relate it to where I am in this weight loss journey. If I'm being completely honest, I'm having a real hard time right now. I'm not mentally strong enough lately to do everything that I know I need to do. I just can't seem to get over this roadblock in my mind - I feel like I'm a prisoner in my own body. I'm not losing weight, and it's because I'm simply not trying enough. But then I try, I don't see the results, and then I get frustrated and then fall back into my own hole of self-pity and regret.

I know that I am sabotaging myself, yet I don't know why.

I've been reading a lot of posts lately about how you guys are succeeding, and the things that you are doing. My biggest issue is the food - and I've yet to be able to control everything in my life when it comes to this. It's a major food addiction, this I know. But I also know that I've tried and SUCCEEDED in the past - I mean, how many times have we heard about the 100 pounds that I've lost?

Food has always been my safe haven. It's what I've known to keep me afloat. There's a joy that I can't even explain when I eat - it's some type of euphoria that I know isn't natural. I sneak snacks when Erin isn't home. I eat a little extra when she is. I justify eating because I've earned, or deserve it. The bottom line is, I feel powerless in a situation that only *I* have the power and control over.

I'm just going to face this weakness head on, and deal with it. I will fight these cravings and realize that this is only a weakness because I choose to let it become on. Just like a smoker who has just been told that they have lung cancer, I have to face what I've been doing to my body and do whatever has to be done to recover from my problem.

I know I've told you guys a million times that "this is the time that I succeed" - and I hope that I mean it this time. But I have to look at it from a different perspective. As many of you said, I have to realize that food is NOT for comfort, but for nutrition. This is going to take a complete change of thought process for me, and I'm not even going to pretend it's easy. I've been able to come as far as I have using food as a crutch in my life. As something more than the fuel that it was intended to be.

I'm going to forus on this new way of thinking, and if that means doing the research, or doing whatever I have to do to learn this new lifestyle, that's what I'm going to do.

Today, I step out of the boat, and try to walk on water.

Order Among Chaos

2008-02-19T16:33:00.002-05:00

Another pitfall in my way has been my crazy schedule. As Billy noticed, I'm constantly all over the place. I go from school to work, and am on the road a ton during the day. Because of the hectic schedule, I tend to eat "when I get a chance" - and that chance has translated into eating on the road, eating right when I get to work, eating when the clock says to eat (as opposed to when I am hungry), and eating later at night than I want to because that's when life finally slows down.

Every few months my schedule changes (thank my college classes/student teaching for that). Every few months I have to relearn what works - and honestly, I didn't take the time to do that this time around. Take today for example - I was starving the minute I woke up today, but didn't want to eat until AFTER the gym - that way, I wouldn't carry my hunger over until later. I think that's a pitfall I set myself up for. What I SHOULD have done was grabbed a piece of fruit and taken it with me - take the 'hunger pains' away, and keep on my scheduled day.

My body doesn't know what to do lately. All I do is think about food, when my next meal is, and how QUICKLY I end up eating my food when it's actually time to eat.

One thing I've noticed lately is that when I'm alone eating - I wolf down my food. If it's the breakfast in the morning, or my lunch on the days where I eat in the car or at work - I scarf it down. Then, I'm not satisfied. I just simply want more food - not because I'm still hungry, but because I feel like I should still be eating. For those of you who have never dealt with food addictions, you might not understand this. But I have a feeling there's some of you out there that do.

On the other hand, when I'm eating in the teacher's lounge and carrying on conversation at the same time - or if I'm with my wife and we're having a meal together, I tend to eat like a human being. Erin always tells me that once my food gets to the table (when we go out to eat), I stop talking to her and just focus on eating the meal. I never realize that I'm doing that when it's happening, but she's brought it to my attention lately that once that plate hits the table and my fork is in hand, she can count out conversation with me. That's something that shines a light on another pitfall.

Eating too fast.

So this is what I can learn from this, and how I will adjust.

Starting tomorrow, I will set TIMES for my meals, and what I will eat when. I'll have a bowl of oatmeal BEFORE the gym. I will come home, shower, do my thing and then grab a piece of fruit to eat on the way to school, so I'm not stressing out about driving without food (trust me, it's as bad as it sounds). Then, I will bring a few extra pieces of fruit and vegetables in a bag and I will eat those at school in the teacher's lounge. I will bring my turkey chili to work, and eat that around 2 or 3pm - enough to hold me over until dinner time.

I will be conscious about how I eat. Take a bite - take my time to enjoy it, and if that means PUTTING THE FORK DOWN BETWEEN BITES, that's what I'll do. That worked for me in the past, so I will do that again.

The bottom line is, I have to get back into my habits. I go to the gym 6-7 days a week, and it's just clockwork. I don't have to fight myself, I don't try to skip out - it's my ROUTINE, and I'm good with it. My body accepts it.

I have to do the same thing with food. The only way to create a habit is to repeat the behavior - so that's what I'm going to do.

Pitfalls

2008-02-17T21:28:00.002-05:00

Ever since I read the comments on my previous blog, I've been constantly thinking about what this next blog was going to be about. My mind has been racing - would I talk about my eating, and how I can make sure that I do better? Do I talk about getting into a "just do it" attitude and keeping myself from making the same mistakes that I have over and over again? I've gone over a hundred new 'techniques' in my head the past few days, but yet it all keeps coming down to a certain theme.

Avoiding pitfalls.

I have become very good for a short amount of time. If you need someone who will eat perfectly, work out great and lose a good amount of weight in a few days, I'm your man. I've lost over 100 pounds by doing this - short chunks of time in 'perfect' state, and then a day or two slacking off, and 'right back to it!".

So, I didn't want to re-invent the wheel. I know that in order for me to lose weight, I need to stick below 2400-2600 calories in a day. I know that I should work out at least 4 times a week. I know that I should take the processed foods out of my diet, plan my meals, cook ahead of time, follow a schedule, write blogs keeping myself honest, write down my calories, follow a workout plan .. I could go on and on. Honestly, I could write a weight loss book based on the fact that I've dropped over 100 pounds on my own. Not many people can say that.

So what's the catch? Where do I go wrong? What are the PITFALLS that I fall into that cause the slowdowns - the lapses in my concentration that allow me to eat poorly, justify it, and lose the ground that I've already gained multiple times?

That's the hard part for me. I've been looking at this as objectively as I could lately. This is what I've come up with:

- Eating 'because it's time to eat". It seems like I have this idea of a schedule. A good example of this is my work schedule. I do my student teaching from 8:30am until 12:30pm every day. The teacher I work with has a scheduled lunch break at 11:15. So, I have my breakfast before the gym, and I head right to the school. When it's time for lunch at 11:15, it's time to eat. I'm not hungry - but that's what the clock says, so that's when I eat. Even if I'm not even remotely hungry, I eat my turkey chili and whatever else I've put together, and eat the entire thing.

Then, I leave there and have a 25 minute drive to work. I've trained myself over time that when I drive, I need to eat. I've programmed in myself that when I drive, I need to eat. Since I've already eaten my lunch, my brain is telling me to eat again. Why? Because I'm supposed to eat when I am driving. I don't know how it became this, but it did. So, when I get to work I feel ripped off - I wasn't able to eat while I drove, so I start snacking. And in my office, there is NO shortage of snacking stations. If you want it, chances as you can find it at my office.

So there lies a pitfall. If I know this is my behavior, how do I correct it with good behavior modification?

I've decided to take two lunches to work. Not two full lunches. There's no reason for that. But, because I have to spend between 11:15am and 11:40am in the teacher's lunch room, I should bring food. Tuesday when I go back (they have Monday off), I'll being a few pieces of extra fruit and maybe some veggies - put them in my lunchbox with a bottled water, and eat that while I'm at the school. That'll hold me over.

That way, when it comes time to drive to work another hour and a half later, I'll have my lunch.. If I want to eat my pre-measured, pre-made turkey chili on the way to work, I'm able to. I will have planned my meals, ate when my body wanted to eat, and I avoided the pitfalls of 'cheating' my body out of it's normally scheduled eating time.

From there, my day seems to go well.

The bottom line for me isn't trying to re-learn how to eat healthy. I've already got that down pat. I've got my workouts down pat. I know how to systematically work this so that I run at peak performance. Even after these past few months of being mediocre, I still consider myself in the best shape of my adult life. But sometimes that isn't enough, and I know I'd be lying to myself if I tried to convince myself of anything otherwise.

So my blogs aren't going to be about the number on the scale for a while. I want to post my challenges - not in a whining, "poor me" kind of way, but in a very straight forward self-analysis type of way. I need to systematically restructure my way of thinking, and instead of hiding my weaknesses in hopes of them magically going away, I need to bear down and take a good hard look at myself.

Billy was dead right. I don't WANT to give up comfort foods. If given the choice between a healthy cooked meal and fast food, I still want the fast food. I haven't gotten to the point in my weight loss journey where I've seen FINAL results - so maybe that's part of it. This has to be looked at in a common sense approach. I've always wanted to bury it in my consciousness and ignore it. That monster keeps sneaking back up and taking swipes at me.

It's time for me to face these mental issues head on. There's no other way around it.

This is step one.

Questions

2008-02-15T17:42:00.002-05:00

I've been trying to put a post together for the last few days and have been at a loss for words. Not exactly something you'll hear me say often.

I've been thinking about the "WHY" and the "HOW" in this whole thing. I see a wide line being drawn in the sand in the Coalition lately, and I feel like I'm fighting to get to the other side. You've got the guys like Billy and Brian (and others) who just never seem to take a day off. Every day it's something new - and something so damned impressive that there's no surprise that they are seeing amazing results.

Then there's others who have been in a funk lately and I haven't seen a positive post from in a while. Some disappear, some just don't post, and some are just really having a hard time with it all right now. My heart goes out to that group, and you know who I'm talking about.

But then there's a third group. The half-assers. The ones like Melissa, Kevin and I. I use us three because I know you won't get offended when I say this. This group - and this seems to be the majority of the Coalition - is fantastic for a few days. And then we drop off. And then we put it all on the line again and do great for a week. And then it fade. It's like we capture lightning in a bottle - but then it fades, and we spend time searching for it again.

I've been trying to figure out this dynamic. What defines us - and how do we learn from our mistakes? I know the 'basic' answer - "just do it". There's a lot of things that someone can say - and we've heard them all. Be accountable. Be honest with yourself. Put yourself first. Make yourself a priority. There's a hundred more where that came from.

But there has to be something that separates the full-assers from the half-assers.

Is it personality types? Is it as simple as saying that the full-assers want it more? Are they just more dedicated to this than I am?

I don't know. Maybe. But when I'm on fire, nothing stops me. I can look at myself in the mirror and know that when I am ON TRACK, no one can stop me. There's not a challenge I won't win. There's not a poor food choice I won't overcome.

And perhaps that's what confuses me the most.

I know I'm not alone when I say this - you're doing so well, you're so proud of yourself, and then for some reason, you just eat like shit. You skip a workout. You break the diet you've been acing all week.

Why? What causes the disconnect between desire and success?

I don't have the answer to this one, and it's been avoiding me for a long time. I'm tired of being in the 270s yet I'm not doing everything PERFECTLY. That doesn't make sense to me. As Jim says, "if you're going to eat poorly, why even work out?" I work out 6-7 days a week at 6am. That's not an easy task. I get up, I'm motivated, I get my ass up and out and head to the gym, and then I MAKE IT HAPPEN.

But then I short change myself.

Perhaps there's an easy answer. Perhaps it's something much more deep. There's got to be a connection here somewhere, and I've yet to find it. Do I just love food more than I love myself? Do I doubt myself and use food as an excuse? Do I think that I don't DESERVE to look the way I want to look?

I ask these questions daily. I hesitated writing a blog about it because I don't have the answers. I don't want this to come off as a 'whining' blog, because God knows I've had enough of those in the past.

What is that secret ingredient? And to those of you who are enjoying the results of your hard work - what makes it click for you? Is it a simple answer to you, or is it something deeper?

Keeping Above Water

2008-02-13T13:30:00.002-05:00

Yesterday's Weigh In: 274.5 (pre-VFW)
Today's Weigh In: 271.8

I have to make this quick - it's been hard finding 10 minutes to create a blog.

Long story made short, the VFW thing worked. I was hungry ALL day, but the anger I had towards punishing myself carried me through. Ended up eating 4 nectarines, 2 oranges and then my turkey chili at night. I was still hungry after the chili so I had two pieces of celery with peanut butter on it. It worked out well, the weight came back down. That'll teach me.

My schedule's been tough lately, but I'm hanging in there. Up at 5:20am, in the gym at 6am, hurry home and get to the school for my student teaching by 8:20ish. Then, head straight to work at 1, work til 6, and then usually something at night. Last night it was volleyball - I got home around 8:30 - tonight, I have private sax lessons that I teach that'll take me until 8pm.

It's harder and harder to balance everything, but I feel like I'm SO close to this degree. I'm student teaching 7th and 8th grade band, and I'm having an absolute blast with it. I head to work after that, and honestly, it's hard to keep my head in the game. My heart is in the classroom now, so coming here is more of a chore than something I enjoy anymore. Every day has been a struggle.

So the beat marches on (pun intended). I think I may take a day off from the gym tomorrow - I have been going 7 days a week for the past 3 or 4 weeks. I don't have school tomorrow so other than the gym, my first responsibility isn't until 1pm. Some down time may be just what the doctor ordered.

Just wanted to update - back to work!

The VFW Diet

2008-02-11T22:11:00.001-05:00

Weigh In: 271.8

Ok, give it to me. I won't like to hear it, but give it to me. Tell me how I am all talk, tell me that the only reason I'm not staying under 270 is my shitty decisions, and tell me how tired you are of hearing about me not being able stay faithful to my diet. It is what it is.

I don't know why I do it. Ate PERFECTLY today. Made my turkey chili on Sunday, packed that lunch, was all set to go.

My company had a major advertising meeting (the ENTIRE company - the Detroit Free Press is huge, btw) at the Sheraton Hotel tonight. There was a bar and they served dinner. Think wedding reception, a lot like that. So, because I was in a social situation, what did I do? I ate and drank everything. I had the roll with butter again, I had the chicken and red skinned potatoes (only option) that was coated in butter, I had 3 drinks, and then I had this BIG ass piece of cheesecake. They just put the cheesecake in front of you, but I could have pushed it away. I didn't. I don't know why. No excuses, no reasons, no offered up thoughts on it. Just freaking stupid.

So it is what it is. I doubt the weight loss Gods give me two free passes in 3 days. If you guys were in front of me, I'd have you punch me square in the luggage.

So I steal a page out of Billy's book for tomorrow. I can't go as extreme as he does, but a controlled fast is called for. The VFW Diet.

Veggies, Fruits, Water.

That's it.

24 hours from the last time I ate, which was 6pm. So, I'll have nectarines, oranges, and water. For dinner I'll have the turkey chili that I was planning on having for lunch. And then I'll go to bed, and then MAYBE I'll learn that eating like a goddamned moron doesn't work for me.

I have to do better, there's no excuse for this.

More tomorrow, I need to go jump off the roof.

Holy Crap, Saturday Already?

2008-02-09T20:24:00.000-05:00

Weigh In: 271.4 (lucky)

Wow, I can't believe I haven't blogged since Wednesday. That's crazy. It just seems like I haven't had 10 minutes in a row to myself since then. Been able to use Google Reader and hit all of your posts to leave comments, but mine's been dry.

So to update - I've been holding steady. Usually I'd say that's bad, but that's really, really good consdering. I don't know what it is - but I've been hungry CONSTANTLY. All I've been thinking about is the next time I'm going to put food in my mouth, and it's been horrible trying to eat right. I've been fighting off the grazing desires and have been "pretty good" - but you all know what "pretty good" gets you.

Hell, last night was the worst, and I caved. We went out to dinner with some friends and then back to their place to watch a movie (Mr. Woodchuck - not the funniest movie ever but pretty decent). We went to Logan's Roadhouse. I figured I'd get a salad or a steak and veggie bit, but when I got there, we ordered beers. I got a 22 of Sam Adams Winter Brew. Then, they brought these buttered rolls out.

I don't know why, but I instinctively grabbed one. In my head, I was cursing myself. Then, I spread FREAKING BUTTER on it. Why? No clue. I just did. It was the NEXT two rolls that I spread butter on that I had a major issue with myself over. I ate three buttery rolls with more buttery fat on top. Then, for my meal I ordered the steak, which was good. I ended up having cinnamon apples with it along with a side salad, so not such a bad choice.

However, I want to thank Erin for the subtle elbow to the ribs. I originally orderded Macaroni and Cheese as the side dish. The "elbow to the ribs" isn't symbolism for anything. She literally elbowed me in the ribs. I knew what she was thinking because I was lying to myself, and told the waitress that I changed my mind and that I'd have the apples instead of the mac and cheese.

The weight loss Gods gave me a free pass this morning, because I stepped on the scale and saw 271.4. Honestly, I was expecting something MUCH higher. It was a moment of weakness, and it could have spiraled into another blog where I was ranting and raving about how stupid I was for blowing my diet, and how I always seem to do this and how 270 is a number I would never break.

The bottom line is, I blew it last night. I'm a bit frustrated with myself, but on the other side, I think I 'deserve' to be able to go out and have a good time with friends and not have to eat the "most healthy, boring thing" on the menu. But there's a middle ground, and I can't allow my food addicted ass to justify eating three fat covered carb bombs - as the APPETIZER no less.

I can do better. I will do better.

Here's how: Erin and I went grocery shopping this afternoon together, and I have all the ingredients for a fantastic (and super healthy) turkey chili. I'll be having that for lunch this week. I loaded up on nectarines and oranges, have my tuna packets for my 'emergency hunger' moments, and I'm ready to take on the next week.

"Pretty Good" just isn't enough. This week my average goes under 269.9.

No regrets?

2008-02-06T22:27:00.000-05:00

Weigh In: 271.8
Calories Counted: 1902 (seems low)

Fat - 21.7% (46 grams)
Protein - 15.0% (71 grams)
Carbohydrates - 42.0% (200 grams)
Alcohol - 0.0%
Other - 21.3%

Daily Sodium Intake - 3,580 mg
Daily Cholesterol Intake - 109 mg
Daily Fiber Intake - 22 grams

I feel like I'm forgetting to put something in my food journal but I think I have everything. I'm feeling pretty full right now, so I feel satisfied.

I'm struggling with finding something to write about tonight, so let's get away from weight loss for a minute. Some of you who know that I'm getting a degree in Music Education here in December, and that means I'm doing my year of student teaching right now. From January to May I'm in a Middle School working with the bands. From September to December I'll be at a MAJOR High School program in the city of Detroit. The High School won the State Championship in football last year, so you can imagine what the Marching Band program is like. Intense program - this is a program that is traveling to Beijing, China in July, and Nova Scotia in August. They're big time.

Ok, so maybe this will turn "weight" related - I'm just thinking as I go.

One of the reasons I decided to start losing weight is because of my looks. I knew that in December of 2008 I would be graduating from college and looking for a job in my field, and I always had it in the back of my head that a 400 pound overweight guy wouldn't be taken seriously in an interview. I had no self control and couldn't even stay healthy - why would a school program trust the health of their music department to me? It always worried me - I didn't want to be the joke that the interviewer talked about after I left the room. First impressions always scared me - I mean, who wants to be the 'elephant' in the room?

On the flip side, I think one of the problems I've been having lately is that I'm starting to feel good in my own skin. Now, you think that'd be a good thing - but it's been hurting me recently (the past 3-5 months). I feel like I'm fighting an uphill battle now - I know I have a long way to go, but I am not AS embarrassed (I still have some of that in me) as I was back then - and I have people telling me constantly how much better I'm looking.

But I don't want to settle for "almost" or "pretty good". I want to be the one to turn heads. I know that if I keep going, and stay consistent, that it'll happen. In order for me to get the results like Billy, and now others like Brian are getting, I have to work as hard tomorrow as I did when I was working my hardest. I feel like I'm doing pretty good - not bad, but not PERFECT. I need to strive for PERFECT if that's what I want to get when it comes to results.

I'm babbling tonight - just being a bit reflective. I guess the point is - if you're going to comitt to something, why not go all the way? If you created a blog, why don't you use it EVERY day? What is stopping you from eating PERFECTLY instead of letting bad choices slip in? What makes you roll out of bed when you really would much rather stay in bed?

These are the things to consider when you are deciding on whether or not your weight loss goals are TRULY important to you. It's important to me - and even though I'm NOT perfect, I've got my eyes on the prize. Every day I try to find some way to improve.

What are you doing to make sure you're proud of yourself when it's all said and done? Will you have regrets?

FAT Tuesday

2008-02-05T13:10:00.000-05:00

Weigh In: 272.4
Calories Counted: Pending

So far today, I've had a bowl of Raisin Bran for breakfast, turkey chili and 2 small oranges for lunch, and I have a grapefruit for my snack coming. Dinner will be healthy - a few options at the house, ranging between turkey meatballs, Mexican Lasagna (which is much more healthy than it sounds - I should get the recipe up one day), and turkey chili. Lots of turkey in my house lately.

The weight went up the last few days, slowly. I didn't record my food yesterday, but I can tell you I was too high in carbs. I caught myself 'snacking' when I really didn't need to be snacking, and I paid for it. The weight is up above 270 again but I'm not sweating it though - I had two huge glasses of water and a glass of Diet Coke just before bed (I was thirsty as hell yesterday, I couldn't seem to quench it) - and then weighed in super early, so I'm not really going to freak out. I just need to keep going strong, the weight will come right back down.

I'm pretty sure this is only a midwestern thing, but we "celebrate" Mardi Gras with Fat Tuesday today. It's the day before Ash Wednesday - and although some don't realize it, "Mardi Gras" is French for Fat Tuesday - at least from what I've heard today. The day recognizes that we're giving something up for lent, and today is the day that you indulge in your favorite foods since it's going to be the last time you can do it for a while.

Frankly, I think that is insane. Years in the past, I've taken the holiday as far as I could go. I'd indulge on these Paczki donuts (which are basically 1000 calorie jelly donuts) because it was tradition. One donut? No way - these babies were a challenge. Four, five, six of them in a day - because after all, I was celebrating a one-day-a-year holiday. I always used to joke about Fat Tuesday being the day to celebrate me - I was, after all, the fat guy.

It's interesting to me, because in the past, even as recently as last year when I was writing this blog, it was a 'fun' holiday to me. Looking back at it - and seeing how far I've grown - Fat Tuesday pisses me off. It's my hyper-sensitivity to everything that I used to be that really burns me. I accepted this day as my own because of my own insecurities, and I was ok with it.

For now on, however, I proclaim today FAT Tuesday. Fit and Trim, Thank You.

Today is a day to celebrate the FAT Coalition. We're a group of folks who want to better ourselves and become healthy individuals. We trust each other, we have the best interest in the group, and together we make one damn fine support group for anyone who wants to walk into our proverbial doors.

So, happy FAT Tuesday everyone. Celebrate how far you've come, and let's make plans for a great 2008 in terms of weight loss and whatever other goals you have in your life.

Just keep those donuts for the weak. I've got no use for them.

Super!

2008-02-03T16:43:00.001-05:00

Wow - didn't realize I didn't blog yesterday. Here we go - a quickie before the Super Bowl.

Saturday's Weigh In: 270.4.
Sunday's Weigh In: 269.4

I didn't count calories on Saturday as I didn't see my house literally from 6:30am until 2:00am not counting a 3 minute stop to change clothes. Long, long day, but I made some good choices (which resulted in the weights above).

Saturday's Menu:
Breakfast: Raisin Bran
Lunch: Bites of chicken breast, small serving of mostaccoli, salad and 1 cookie (catered)
Dinner: Max & Erma's Santa Fe Salad.
Other: 4 beers - all Rolling Rock Green Light (60-ish calories each)

Super Bowl Sunday's Menu: (so far)
Breakfast: Raisin Bran
Lunch: Chicken strips (3), salad, sausage & saurkraut
Dinner: Turkey chili, veggie tray, veggie wraps (planned Super Bowl fare), and probably a few more light beers

We're having a few people over for the game here in about an hour, we're doing our best to provide healthy options. I'm sure there's going to be the 'other' stuff, but as long as I provide the GOOD choices, hopefully I can stick to it. I've been doing good - I saw the 260's again today for the first time since mid-December (266 on Dec. 18) - so this is up to me. I can either STICK TO THIS and keep this movement going, or I can ruin it and lose pace on what I've been doing so well on because I can't control myself with temptations around.

Hope you all do well - be "SUPER" strong this weekend, Warriors.

Quickie Report

2008-02-01T22:03:00.000-05:00

Weigh In: Reported already
Calories Counted: 2017

Today's Breakdown:

Breakfast: Raisin Bran w/ 1% Milk
Lunch: 2 Yogurts, Grapefruit and Tuna Packet (no time to heat up the soup I brought)
Dinner: 12 ounce steak, creamed spinach and a 1/4 cup (if that) of wild rice - 1 glass wine

Fat - 19.1% (45 grams)
Protein - 35.6% (188 grams)
Carbohydrates - 42.2% (222 grams)
Alcohol - 3.2% (10 grams)
Other - 0.0%

Daily Sodium Intake - 2,643 mg
Daily Cholesterol Intake - 383 mg
Daily Fiber Intake - 39 grams

I did well today. We went out to a really fancy dinner at the Rochester Chop House and had a good meal. For those who love my sodium number, it was down today. Also, much more protein and less carbs I think my chart looks pretty good today.

I'm bumming out because I can't get to the gym tomorrow - I have to help host a Solo & Ensemble competition at the high school and there's a pre-meeting at 7:30am. I was prepped to go to the gym early (aka: set my alarm for 5am on a Saturday morning, hows that for dedication) but the gym doesn't open until 8am. I'm working the event until after 5pm and we're going out afterwards. I've been weighing myself AFTER my workouts for a while now, so I'm concerned that I may not see below 270 tomorrow. I'm 203.4 as of 10pm - and yes, I'm fully aware of how crazy I am for stepping on the scale 10 times a day. ;)

Looks like I have to focus on the nutrition tomorrow. I've got to get 'er done.

TGI(snowy)F!

2008-02-01T10:37:00.001-05:00

Friday Weigh In: 270.2
Calories Counted: Pending
Thursday Weigh In: 271.4
Calories Counted: 2212

Yesterday's breakdown:

Fat - 22.9% (59 grams)
Protein - 27.6% (162 grams)
Carbohydrates - 49.5% (289 grams)
Alcohol - 0.0%
Other - 0.0%

Daily Sodium Intake - 4,902 mg
Daily Cholesterol Intake - 307 mg
Daily Fiber Intake - 38 grams

One small note - I know some of you are concerned about the sodium intake, but I talked to Josh about this a while ago, and he told me that as much as I work out and as active as I am, I really don't need to worry about the sodium - and that these levels are ok since I'm sweating most of it out.

I think the biggest problem I've been having these past few months is NOT writing things down. I got away from the details of calorie counting and reporting every single calorie - and it shows. If there's a lesson to be learned, it's that you just can't let one aspect of this process sneak away - you have to not only be 100% in the gym, and 100% in the eating, you can't let either slack. If you're not looking at both of these things equally, you're wasting your time.

For me, I hit the 270.2 today - the lowest I've been in quite a while. Now, it's time to break through and stay there. For the January challenge I said I wanted to lose 10 pounds, and I lost 9.25 pounds. No shame in that. Some of the guys were talking about using Memorial Day as one of the big milestones (since that's when guys start taking their shirts off in public), and if I can keep this pace of 9.25 pounds a month, that will put me at 37 pounds lost - or having me weigh in at 233. I don't know if that's good enough for me to be ripping the shirt off - I'm self conscious as hell about this - but there's only one way to find out.

I said 60 pounds for the year. What's wrong with blowing that out of the water early and being able to reward myself this summer?

Hump Day

2008-01-30T22:54:00.001-05:00

Today's Weigh In: 272.4
Today's Calories Counted: 2400
Yesterday's Weigh In: 270.2
Yesterday's Calorie Count: 2654

It's been insanely busy lately - haven't had two minutes. I wanted to blog yesterday with my weigh in (so close to sub-270), but it just didn't happen. As it stands right now, I should be in bed.

Here's my breakdown:

Breakfast: Wheat Chex w/ 1% Milk
Lunch: 2 oranges, an apple and dry tuna fish out of the packet
Dinner: Spinach stuffed chicken, salad and Lipton's noodles
Snacks: Jell0 cup and spoon of PB (not together - that'd be gross)

Fat - 18.6% (50 grams)
Protein - 26.8% (161 grams)
Carbohydrates - 43.7% (262 grams)
Alcohol - 0.0%
Other - 10.9%

Daily Sodium Intake - 3,120 mg
Daily Cholesterol Intake - 232 mg
Daily Fiber Intake - 32 grams

I've decided I'll just list my foods instead of cut/paste the list just because it looks tacky. Couldn't really get it to fit and it wasn't exactly aesthetically pleasing, so I'll stick with this style. The nutritional breakdown gives the details.

I've been exhausted lately, but that's just because I'm working a real schedule lately. Up at 5:30, in the gym by 6, straight to school (student teaching), straight to work - home early tonight, by 6:20 - last night it was a late night, Monday I didn't see the house until after 10:30pm.. one thing I have to be aware of is my sleep schedule. I'll go w/o real good sleep for a while and wonder why I get sick. Strong body, strong mind. Sleep's an important part of that.

So the Super Bowl is a few days away - and tomorrow is the last day of January. Some important milestone for us FATties this weekend. Tomorrow we find out how we all did for the first month of our "resolutions" - and Sunday, we test our ability to eat in moderation and NOT destroy our work in January. For our Super Bowl party we're thinking ahead - there's probably going to be some "not-so-good" stuff, but Erin's going to be making an awesome Chili - that's what I'll be eating.

Healthy living starts with planning. A failure to plan is a plan to fail.

Look at me with all these cliches. But, it's true. How's everyone else doing to wrap up this month?

Go Mongo!

2008-01-28T22:31:00.000-05:00

Weigh In: 272.0
Calories Counted: 2075

First, the charts:

Item		Grams	Calories
Mon, Jan 28 2008
	Breakfast
	`A` Apples - Granny Smith	154	80
	`A` Oatmeal Crisp Crunchy Almond	180	720
	`A-` Milk, Lowfat, Fluid, 1% Milkfat - With Added Vitamin A	488	205
	`A` Light 'n Fit Nonfat Strawberry	170	60
	Lunch
	Homemade vegetable soup	252	156
	`A` Grapefruit - Raw, White, All Areas	236	78
	`C` ROLD GOLD Classic Style Tiny Twists Pretzels	42	165
	Dinner
	Mongolian Sirloin/Mushrooms		401
	Snacks
	Pumpkin Bread	62	210
	Total Calories Consumed		2,075

Fat - 23.8% (59 grams)
Protein - 20.4% (113 grams)
Carbohydrates - 55.9% (311 grams)
Alcohol - 0.0%
Other - 0.0%

Daily Sodium Intake - 2,594 mg
Daily Cholesterol Intake - 54 mg
Daily Fiber Intake - 23 grams

I did well again on my calories - yes, I had pretzel sticks, but they were limited, and honestly, I'm not really concerned about pretzel sticks. Other than that, I did what you guys were giving advice about. Veggie soup for lunch, I'm starting to realize that I actually LIKE grapefruit, and I had sirloin with mushrooms and broccoli from Monoglian BBQ for dinner. No rice, no tortillas - just the meat and veggies. Not a bad night.

I'm exhausted, but INCREDIBLY proud tonight. You guys know Jim and I (and Melissa!) are doing the 3-day walk here in Michigan benefiting breast cancer. Jim and I worked Mongolian BBQ tonight and had a fund raiser. We raised over $550 in three hours for the cause. Plenty more to go, but that's a good start.

I'm just drained - was up at 5:30am, out the door by 6:00, and just walking in the door after 10pm tonight. Gym, school, work, fund raiser, collapse.

But it was a good day - I got a lot accomplished. And I'm pretty proud of what we did tonight for the fund raising efforts - for those of you who could make it out, thank you!

401(k)

2008-01-27T22:42:00.000-05:00

Weigh In: 273.4
Calories: 2164

401's an important number, especially this time of year. 401(k)s are investments for tax season, and this is my 401st post, which makes the word "investment" mean something else for me. Jim posted a fantastic blog yesterday about Entitlement and what he's "entitled" to. To add to that theme, I've been thinking about the investments I've made into my weight loss plan.

I've invested a ton into this - not just the time that it took to write out 401 blog posts. I've put over a year into waking up and being in the gym before 6am. I've sacrified a ton when it comes to eating whatever the hell I've felt like eating. I've put things aside in order to reach my goals.

I've benefitted a lot in the past year because of this. My constant backaches are gone. My snoring is gone. My acid reflux is gone. I have more pride in myself. I know that I can accomplish things that I never, EVER thought I'd be able to do. I can look myself in the mirror - and even though it's not where I want to be - it's POSSIBLE. I've invested quite a bit into this.

And with every good investment there are strong growths and some days where the market isn't so good to us. And just like money transactions, you never sell low. You don't bail out when the trends are heading downward. You DO NOT GIVE UP when it looks like times are tough.

That's an investment.

I've been struggling a lot lately, to the point of wanting to fold. The past few days there's been quite the discussion on my blog about the right way to do things, the right eating habits, the importance of nutrition vs. exercise, and we all have our ideas on how to do things. Constant improvement is what has to happen. I'll be altering the food intake some - I want to start cooking more on the weekends to plan longer term meals. I want to eat more 'natural' but I know with financial restrictions I don't have the luxury of heading to the Whole Markets food store to spend the money that it would require.

When you can't invest money, you invest time. That's the next step in my growth. I'm going to make the most out of my meals - try to eat more natural, and keep the calories around 2000. But if I have to eat a Lean Pocket because I wasn't able to make a chili - that's OK to me too. As long as I don't follow it up with a large pizza and a basket of chili fries, then I will be ok. There's decisions to make, and even if it sounds like an excuse, sometimes I have to substitute 'quality' for convenience. That's my life, and I'll never apologize for it. I'll just continue to work hard, continue to focus on improvement, and over time, my investments will mature.

I'm a stock worth holding.

That being said, here's my breakdown for the day. Long day tomorrow - 5:30 up, 6:00am gym, head to school and work, and then straight to Mongolian BBQ for our fund raiser to raise money fro Breast Cancer Awareness and the 3-day walk. Hope your weekends went well.

Sun, Jan 27 2008
	Breakfast
	`A` Grapefruit - Raw, Pink And Red, All Areas	123	52
	`B` KELLOGG'S SPECIAL K RED BERRIES	62	229
	`A-` Milk, Lowfat, Fluid, 1% Milkfat - With Added Vitamin A	244	103
	Lunch
	`B+` Bread, Wheat - (Includes Wheat Berry)	50	130
	`B-` Peanut Butter, Smooth Style - With Salt	64	383
	Strawberry Jelly - Smucker's	40	100
	Dinner
	`C+` Santa Fe Chicken Salad - Fresh Tastes Salads	798	740
	Fat Free Honey Mustard		120
	Snacks
	`A` Apples - Golden Delicious	204	98
	Pumpkin Bread	62	210
	Total Calories Consumed		2,164

Fat - 31.3% (77 grams)
Protein - 18.2% (100 grams)
Carbohydrates - 50.5% (278 grams)
Alcohol - 0.0%
Other - 0.0%

Daily Sodium Intake - 4,307 mg
Daily Cholesterol Intake - 227 mg
Daily Fiber Intake - 25 grams

400

2008-01-26T22:45:00.000-05:00

Weigh In: 273.5
Total Calories: 2025

Fat - 42.2% (95 grams)
Protein - 29.5% (149 grams)
Carbohydrates - 28.3% (143 grams)
Alcohol - 0.0%
Other - 0.0%

Daily Sodium Intake - 4,156 mg
Daily Cholesterol Intake - 1,424 mg
Daily Fiber Intake - 11 grams

Sat, Jan 26 2008
	Breakfast
	`B` Egg, Whole - Raw, Fresh	250	368
	Turkey Breakfast Sausage Links - Sausage Products	143	238
	Lunch
	`C` LEAN POCKETS Brand Ham & Cheddar	504	560
	Dinner
	`B+` Cheeseburger Soup	652	749
	Snacks
	`B` ROLD GOLD Honey Wheat Braided Twists	28	110

Eating wise, it was pretty non-eventful. Got a new recipe from a co-worker for this soup, and it's pretty damned good. Perhaps not the best menu today - but I kept to my calories. High sodium and carbs, but I'm going to point that towards the Lean Pockets and pretzels. Not the best choices, but certainly not the worst I could have done. I passed a few temptations, so that's about all I can ask for.

Also, you'll notice the number on the scale going down. A few things to report - I bought a new scale a few days ago but have been testing the numbers on both - I wanted to see how the fluctuations worked. Seems like my old scale will keep dropping if I keep stepping on it - for example, today it came in at 278, 277, 276, 274.5, 273.5. Obviously, this thing's biting the dust. The new one I bought holds a max of 450 pounds, as opposed to the old one holding only 300. To me, that means it's going to be more accurate. Plus, I stepped on it 5 times in a row and it gave me the exact same number. That's been the case every time I stepped on it - so that's my new scale. And with both scales, my weight has dropped pretty big the past 2 days, so I'm going to hold my breath and see if I can't get it to continue.

Tonight's my 400th blog post.

That's incredible to me, just the fact that I've stuck to something long enough to say I did it 400 times. That's easily over a year and a month if I only posted once a day, and never missed a day. I think that says something about my dedication to this. It's not always going to be easy - and it's DEFINITELY not always going to be success, but it's going to be THERE.

Old reliable.

And as long as I keep posting, it means I haven't given up and forgotten about WHY I am doing this. No one EVER got fat by stepping on the scale and holding themselves accountable for their actions - may they be good or bad.

And that's a success all in itself.

Fight the Power

2008-01-25T17:04:00.000-05:00

Weigh In: NONE

I actually didn't intend to skip the scale today. I was going to hit the scale after the gym, but ended up changing plans at the last second and going straight from the gym to work instead of coming home first. So, I was up at 5:30, in the gym by 6:30am, at work at 8 until 6, and then off to the Pistons game.

If you guys haven't noticed, this whole thing has been stressing me the hell out lately. Yesterday was the closest to a breaking point in a long, long time. Everything has been building up and the results have been garbage. I've been doing some major soul searching - trying to find out what changes would make sense. I've made a ton of changes in the past 3-5 months - and none of them have been productive. Work out plans, eating plans, bullshit motivational speeches which weren't followed up on - it's a vicious cycle. The worst part is, Erin and I ended up rolling away from each other last night in bed angry at each other because we were talking about what I should do, and I disagreed with her. I gave her crap out of frustration and ended up snapping at her.

I was wanting to do something "drastic". Change the diet completely up - and I had convinced myself over the last 24 hours that going back into the Adkins style (not completely but more of that theme) of eating would be my next goal. She told me that I shouldn't do that, and that I needed to write down and count every single calorie. She told me that I have been lying to myself and have probably been eating more than I've been convincing myself of. She told me that I needed to stop playing the victim - and in her own words, "Stop being a bitch", and just do what I know works.

That pissed me off. But the worst part?

She was exactly right. I told you - no matter how many times I want to throw her off the nearest bridge, she calls it how she sees it. She won't give me some bullshit answer just because it's something I want to hear. I love her to death because of it - the curse AND the blessing ;)

So this is what I'm going to do that is "new".

I'm counting calories to the penny now. If it's a home recipe, I'm going to put it into the reciple analyzer that Calorie Count has, and be accurate with it. I'm going to report EVERYTHING that I eat every day, in my blog. For the first week or so, I'm going to cut/paste my carb/protein/fat pie chart right into my blog.

It's a pain in the ass. But so is getting up and going to the gym 6-7 days a week, and I've found a way to make that work. I haven't finished my day yet, so this info is incomplete, but this is what the beginning of each blog will look like:

Weigh In: Lower Than Yesterday:
Total Calories: 1203 (not complete for Friday)

Fat - 18.1% (24 grams)
Protein - 33.6% (101 grams)
Carbohydrates - 48.2% (144 grams)
Alcohol - 0.0%
Other - 0.0%

Daily Sodium Intake - 2,530 mg
Daily Cholesterol Intake - 135 mg
Daily Fiber Intake - 18 grams

Fri, Jan 25 2008		Grade	Grams	Cals
	Breakfast
	Oats, Regular And Quick And Instant, Unenriched - Cooked With Water, Without Salt	A	468	295
	Lunch
	Swedish Meatballs	C	516	560
	BUMBLE BEE Solid White Albacore in Water	A-	168	210
	Bread, Whole-wheat, Commercially Prepared	A	56	138

That's what they'll all start off with. Today could have been better so far - I didn't think to make a lunch today, I ended up packing breakfast (quick change of plans this morning meant I wasn't having breakfast at home this morning) and didn't think to pack a lunch. We ended up having lunch at work today, people brought stuff, so I had some sweedish meatballs and a homemade tuna sandwich (someone made a ton of them) - I passed up the donuts, chocolates, and walnut brownies that have been sitting 15 feet away from me in my line of vision for the past 6 hours, not that I'm bitter. So, I made the best of it. Since I won't see my house until after the Pistons game tonight, we have to get fast food. I'll report in on that tonight too - I'll make the best choices possible.

So, THIS is where the rubber meets the road. I NEED the FAT Coalition to stick on me about this. If a day goes by and I'm not posting this stuff, CALL ME OUT. Look at my numbers, give advice. Be the critic.

I need you guys right now. This is when I sound the alarm and am looking for answers.